[throwaway_32u10]

OP Here.

This blew up fast. I'll provide more context in this comment rather than commenting individually for the sake of not repeating myself.

First of all, children and family. I am considering this, but I doubt this is the solution to all problems. I agree with people who say it can provide a sense of purpose, but I also agree with people who think it's a bit irresponsible to recommend children to a stranger who shared something like I did.

Next, ADHD and depression. Never did ADHD test, I suspect I might have slight form of it. Depression I refuse to believe it exists in the form society labels it. For me, depression is a chemical imbalance, rather than a state of laziness/sadness/lost in life. Even if I have something like this, I won't take medication. Just a personal view on modern medical system, based on my experience with multiple psychologist and psychiatrists who did more harm that good (in my opinion).

Therapy. As mentioned above, therapy did more harm than good to me. Sure it might work for some people, but my experience with over 4 therapists ended up with either "nothing is wrong with you, don't visit me any more" or attempts to put me in a one of the boxes that the therapist learned about in school, while I clearly try to avoid any boxes.

God, hobbies, etc. I'm not 16 years old. I have grown up responsibilities, and I can't indulge myself in new hobbies every day. I'm focused (as much as I can) on building a business in order to escape the soul crashing tech industry and live on my terms (as much as possible, ultimate freedom is somewhat a lie). Together with this I try to work on my health, and maintain relationship(s). These are my 3 priorities in life, in no particular order. I don't have the time or desire to explore woodworking, or cave diving.

Thanks for everyone who commented, I appreciate every one of you <3

[pavel_lishin]

> For me, depression is a chemical imbalance, rather than a state of laziness/sadness/lost in life. Even if I have something like this, I won't take medication.

Depression is a chemical imbalance which is experienced as a state of sadness/lost in life.

How do you think people with depression subjectively feel, if not the way you feel right now?

And if you believe that this illness is a form of chemical imbalance, why not take medication? Surely you'd take medication if you had cancer, or a toothache, or a vitamin D deficiency?

[caprock]

Great followup and details. Your introspection sounds like you're on the right path for evolving and making progress. There is no silver bullet here (at least in my own experience).

Your three priorities (if I understood correctly), sound like your health, relationship, and independent business. This really does seem like a good track. In fact, having such clarity of priorities puts you ahead of many people. The only thing I don't see is maybe having a vision of the environment in which you pursue these priorities (home, living area, weather, etc).

I encourage you to consider specific short and medium term goals within those three areas. Maybe you can help draw out several purposes that adjust your mental framing.

As a small example, the hot topic of the children. I don't perceive anyone saying you should rush out and have a child tomorrow. Instead, adapting to your situation, maybe there are some specific family goals for the next few years.

Then, on the business side, maybe there are some specific goals for the next 1, 3, and 6 months. This might also need some goals about when to cut bait and try some different business ideas.

When I'm in the worst malaise, it's often when I have vague big picture aims without shorter term goals. Purpose is multi-faceted.

Thanks for sharing your journey. It's helpful for me to think and write about these topics, so I appreciate the prompt and hope I've helped your pursuit in a small way.

[bachmeier]

> Your three priorities (if I understood correctly), sound like your health, relationship, and independent business. This really does seem like a good track.

Have to disagree. The first post said "I get scared when I realize that this is my life for the next 30-40 years." You don't write something like that unless your life is out of whack relative to how you want to live.

[jeffreyrogers]

Why do you think building a business will fix the problem you feel? I don't mean that in a rude way, but I think answering that will help you figure out what you're looking for. If the goal is just to build a business you could start a business like a McDonald's franchise that is pretty much guaranteed to work if you work hard enough.

But I suspect that succeeding at some already derisked business model isn't what is drawing you towards building a business. It's probably not money either since from a discounted cash flow perspective it probably pays better to get a FAANG job. You say you want freedom but in most businesses you don't have a huge amount of freedom since you are constrained by what the market wants and organizational structures have to meet employee needs.

[throwaway_32u10]

Hey!

> Why do you think building a business will fix the problem you feel?

It wont.

But it will solve one aspect of (lack of) independence -- the soul crashing 9-5 and working with people. I don't want to go length into my view of the tech industry and how I consider most of it an inefficient cog machine mixed with human psychology, but getting rid of it by creating a business which can be run on it's own -- will improve my quality of life significantly.

For example: there is no logical sense at all to work 9-5, 5 days a week from Mo-Fr, in an office. By having my business I can train in the morning and then work 12 to 8. I can take Monday off (without asking for permission). I can work from home or cafe, or a park. I get to build the lifestyle I want rather than conforming to some 1890s factory idea of the 9 to 5.

Another example: there is no need to have 15 people teams with idiotic daily standups. By building my own business, I get to work with only myself (yay), and some other people to whom I can outsource things I'm not good at, and not waste time on idiotic corporate rituals.

And as for McDonalnds, well, I been in the tech industry for over a decade now. That's what I know. I don't know anything about store locations, managing staff and stock. Sure I can learn, but it's smarter to leverage my existing knowledge rather than starting from 0. And also a physical business means more exposure to working with other people, and a more typical hierarchical structure.

[fuzzfactor]

Stuck, boring, and comfortable in 9-5 routine.

I, have become . . . comfortably numb, myself . . .

Maybe for a long time, I've considered 9-5 to be easy hours but what happens during that time needs to be uplifting in some way. Some big way would be good even if it's not financial.

The stuck, boring, and comfortable could be juggled or rebalanced on their own, or you could throw in the 9-5 for some other schedule or commitment. Or dig deeper from where you are now until you hit a promising spark, in spite of any disappointments that may be obstacles.

Over many years of employment I had no doubt I would be an entrepreneur, and a boring 9-5 is no more real work or commitment than a more uplifting 9-5, but I never could have started my company on the side during any of the boring times.

I think the ideal situation is where you look forward to going to work every day because you accomplish something for your employer, and you look forward to coming back from the employer whether it's home for R & R or to work on your own future business. You need to feel some worthwhile anticipation either way/direction.

For me 9-5 is not a problem in itself, but commuting can be the big downer, and a lot of it can go together if it turns out that commuting with the mainstream is what the real problem is. A revised employment schedule with a bit more time commitment can still be OK if it takes away from a more painful commute. You need to look forward to your destination both coming & going, and the anticipation needs to outlast your travel time each way.

It's never going to be like driving to Disney World, but that's an extreme example for many people of how long a trip you can sometimes maintain anticipation for.

[snozolli]

Why do you think building a business will fix the problem you feel?

Probably because he wants a lifestyle business that will let him make a reasonably comfortable living without working 9-5 every day for 30 years.

[jeffreyrogers]

You can do this by being a franchise owner too, or by being a real estate agent, or lots of other flexible careers, but he's not choosing those paths and exploring why will help him figure out what it is he is really after. He already has a comfortable life and could probably live frugally and then live off investment income in much less than 30 years if that was what his main motivation was, but I think ultimately even if he succeeded at that he would find that his original lack of meaning remained, just with more time in the day.

[caprock]

This is a good point, that understanding the underlying personal outcome is important. For me this helps narrow the specific businesses or arrangements that I should consider.

[jacknews]

" I'm not 16 years old. I have grown up responsibilities, and I can't indulge myself in new hobbies every day. I'm focused (as much as I can) on building a business in order to escape the soul crashing tech industry ..."

But you're not escaping yourself, and those priorities, and that's probably why you feel trapped. Box your job into a 'job' category, along with the business and 'getting rich' and so on, and use the time outside that to explore other things life has to offer. Hobbies, sports, volunteering, may not sound enticing superficially but it's about meeting new and different people and getting outside yourself and your rut.