[dansitu]

It sounds like you're feeling stuck in a lot of ways, but you also feel motivated to be proactive in finding a solution. That's great!

The best single thing you can do is to find a therapist. They're trained, experienced professionals whose entire job is to help people with these types of situations - not just folks with mental health issues. They are like personal trainers but for your mind, not your body.

Look up some therapists in your area and try them out until you find one you get along with. Don't worry about the cost: if you're a middle class tech worker you can definitely afford it, and even in the US it's easy to find therapists covered by health insurance. It's an incredibly worthwhile experience.

Good luck with figuring all of this out!