[taurath]

Yes, I have dealt with this and am still dealing with this, and much of it it all came down to early childhood trauma and how I needed to survive situations as a kid. I ended up that I had a pretty extreme amount of dissociation and symptoms of PTSD, and after grappling with literal decades of therapy and many diagnoses I started looking into dissociation, from which things truly clicked into place and finally I had a model to understand how I worked. If you have memory issues, please check in about CPTSD and dissociation - it’s not well known and it’s been life changing for me, and it’s massively undiagnosed compared to people who have them (6% of the population has one).

With the help of therapists and peers I have been able to figure out how I work and make progress on things I haven’t been able to for much of my life, after dealing with a spate of pretty extreme burnout. There’s no telling what your journey might hold, but I can say with experience that it is possible to figure out what underlies the hangups that have been hamstringing you.

[regainmemory]

That's oddly reassuring in that I have CPTSD. How has your memory improved? And through what modality – just therapy?

[taurath]

It’s a lot of things, and it takes a while. EDMR, modified IFS, somatic work, massive amounts of internal reflection and relational work have all contributed - it’s not something I could just buy. I remember 80% of my childhood whereas before I only remembered something like 20% (the nicer parts and a few impactful moments). I remember school, I remember real details of being in my 20s including emotional memory, I remember what it was like to teach myself to code. All of this stuff wasn’t accessible until I started learning about structural dissociation.

[taurath]

Also as an FYI, dissociation can greatly reduce the efficacy of so many other treatments if not detected.

See here for a short primer on this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWRnewwMO2U

Also if it might help, I'd recommend doing a self assessment for dissociation. The MID-60 is the one that I'd recommend over the DES-II, as it gets much closer into real experiences without as much wiggle room.

[autoexec]

Has dealing with your PTSD actually improved your memory or has the damage already been done?

[taurath]

Yes. My memories are fragmented and dissociated from each other, especially traumatic ones. Processing the PTSD is literally reconnecting with and processing those memories that were pushed away to protect me.