[NSHkr_hn]

I was working on a failing startup in Hawaii Kai, and left for Haleiwa due to a woman who was stalking and gaslighting me. Landed in a Haleiwa house and was stalked, hacked and and gaslighted by the owner’s family help. Ran into a man who engaged in state sponsored grand theft and lied to investigators, ruined my life. Witness to corruption, perjury, misconduct.

Tried investigating the hacking and stalking and was met with a serious coordinated threat of murder. Was blackmailed to stay silent about the murder threat.

Couldn’t work on code much more.

Went homeless.

Media blackout on the trial (would have been a salacious headline in Hawai’i), perhaps due to my reports of receiving the coordinated murder threat and the status of the social circle who issued it.

Took the NSA’s college level codebreaker challenge and did pretty well. Bad idea. They call them spooks for a reason.

Met a wealthy man here in Haleiwa who gave me side work and pushed various hard drugs on me, so I tried getting away from him. Endured criminal violence, harassment, discrediting and defamation, obstruction of justice from a judge, and more shenanigans.

Tried getting back into coding. Even got a donor laptop from a nice ex Amazon employee here on hn to try to rebuild.

Took another NSA codebreaker challenge while homeless and while dealing with the ongoing violence, harassment and discrediting campaign from the wealthy party with a lawyer. Couldn’t handle it. Laptop gone. Sorry to the ex Amazon guy who donated it. It was a tiny little i5/8GB, enough to participate in the NSA CTF.

Met a guy into data engineering at the coffee shop who gifted me a brand new M2 MBP 24GB. Tried getting back into programming while homeless. Hasn’t worked. Gave it back to him new in box. Was being targeted yet again at the time due to being exposed homeless on a bicycle in public. Couldn’t handle it and can’t deal with the constant lack of dignity due to experiencing long term homelessness and destitution.

Still homeless seven years later and in a far worse predicament. Not very optimistic about my future. Scrapping for food money. I live on a bicycle with two backpacks outdoors on public assistance for food, which helps a bit. Bicycle has irreparably broken down today; trying to find a donor replacement locally so I can make it to my gardening job for food money tomorrow.

It’s bad enough to be ruined with lies while others enjoy lack of accountability. Far worse is to be discredited and met with skepticism about reports of criminal behavior.

Software development has stopped completely for quite a while now. Fighting off the dread of the entrenched, persistent desire to end, mid life. Failed career, non existent, now with a ruined rep and trauma.

[shrimp_emoji]

In the immortal words of Asmongold: people who have problems are problems.

[NSHkr_hn]

I’m the problem. I’m trying to kill myself so I am no longer a problem. It’s harder than anticipated. I’ve tried a rope, jumping and helium. Helium was the closest. Saw demons as I breathed in the helium and became scared, then aborted.

Trying to get out of here so I’m not the problem any longer. It’s so fucking scary.

But I’m reminded by shrimp_emoji of the burden I’ve become, and I’m still resigned to die. The only way is by my own hand. Still trying. Hopefully it’ll get done so I don’t have to burden anyone with my problems.

[greenie_beans]

hey man, i hear you and i feel that. people on this website can be mean. you can email me at [e-mail] if you need somebody to talk to.

[NSHkr_hn]

The culture here was better 15 years ago

Emailed you

My observation and experience in the transformation of society towards ubiqutuous technical surveillance, data hoarding and abuse, narcissism related to unnatural and unhealthy social constructs in the context of a global informational machine with hidden asymmetries and agendas is troubling. I’ve had to bear witness to totally unaccountable data abuse practices by all big tech companies. No accountability for malice. Lawyer-codified protection to cause harm and experiment on people. And total gaslighting and blackout upon any attempt to inquire, coupled with a hubris infused escalation of data abuse targeting, often mocking the victim.

Mocking life trauma events is normalized. And much more.

[shrimp_emoji]

Emotional mistake.

[greenie_beans]

why do you feel the need to bully people anonymously on the internet?

[NSHkr_hn]

He’s a fucking scumbag. Needs a good lesson.

[pineaux]

Sound like you need to shelter in place. Do some simple work. Be open about your shit but dont burden people with it. What people like the most in a person that is down is positivity and a willingness to grow. It's hard. I know. But in the end of the day nobody really cares about all the shit that you went through. Talking about it like you do in the post above creates opportunity for people to wave it away as a lie, or something you brought upon yourself. Better leave it vague. Only tell some vague stuff when people ask. Give details sparingly. The more story you tell the bigger the chance that they start dispising you. They will start victim blaming. They will start to believe that you have bad karma or that you will take advantage of them. What a lot of people do care about is helping someone who is down. The problem is that you need to make sure they believe you are trustworthy, not-despicable, a good human being, someone they want close. You just need someone that gives you a good break. Someone that vouches for you. It's shitty and it's fucked that there are no good government system in place to help you with your predicament. I do agree with your scepticism of the world. The world is being manipulated.

[NSHkr_hn]

Makes a lot of sense and seems right given the perception I’m projecting with a post in a vacuum.

Not really seeking help or a break. Just going with the flow until death. Just taking a bit longer than expected to get there.