[bell-cot]

Closing para's:

> What Should I Do Instead?

> Anything. I am begging you on my hands and knees, anything. Write a SQLite database on your local hard drive. Do some garbage in Python. Encode the data in binary using a series of pebbles on your front lawn. If necessary, I will personally call your manager and explain the problem. I will actually do this. It's easy, I swear. They're all definitely easier than being defenestrated, which is the only alternative I am offering.

> Please. Listen, you can email me. I'll help. I don't want to hurt anyone again. [e-mail]. There.

> You've got an offer of professional help. Do you know why I'm being so generous with my time?

> It's so that I can fucking dropkick the animals that don't take it with a clear conscience.