[dbspin]

My experience is oddly similar. But I do question whether existential anxiety about the existence of a deity at age seven, is more of a symptom of trauma than a cause. In my case I grew up in a dismally religious family, in an alienated place, at a time when the disconnect between my families belief and the implicit beliefs of modernity were in stark contrast. It was fairly inevitable that the contradictions would become absurd. I don't see that revellation as responsible for my dark worldview though. That's likely more mundane toxic family, learned helplessness, chronic health related stuff.

[silverquiet]

I’d say my religious upbringing was a positive experience actually, to the point that today I wish I was able to believe in it. My brushes with evangelical Christianity however are what initially caused me to question the whole thing - it’s hard to believe that they believe in what they say when their actions are so in contradiction with the words in their religious texts. That this was so apparent to a seven-year-old me is quite an indictment and I think explains a lot of the recent secularization of the US.

I do have a possible surgery that may relieve the pain at some point and I think that that hope may be about the closest thing I have to religion these days.

[joquarky]

Alan Watts reopened my interest in the metaphysical while deconstructing western mythology. Check out some of his lectures if you're interested in exploring the potential for reviving some of those positive experiences.