[russelldjimmy]

It sounds like you have figured out a way to get what you want materially. It seems to be working well for you.

However, like the other commenter pointed out, it does seem like a transactional way to view things. It sounds like such a view was very helpful to you in your childhood, which - as you mentioned - was in poverty, and I can imagine that this makes one focus their efforts and attention intensely on gaining material benefits. The question now is - is your life still demanding this narrow focus, or is it possible to relax this and start to enjoy the more intangible things in life? “If all one has is a hammer…” - you know how it goes :)

Instead of seeing someone else’s generosity as a way to gain material benefit, can it be appreciated for just the generosity alone? Can the act of buying someone that “first gift” be enjoyed for the look of joy and surprise in their expression? It feels great to make someone’s day, and this is only possible when one’s attention is not focused on expecting something in return.

A tangential thought:

Sometimes people are not used to receiving gifts and they might be “overgenerous” in return because they got flustered at receiving a gift so suddenly. It’s not a positive feeling for them and the act can start to feel like “ransom” for them after some point. This is not your problem of course :) but one can become sensitive to such things only when one’s attention is not focused on “what will I get out of this transaction?”

[Quinzel]

> sometimes people are not used to receiving gifts and they might be “overgenerous” in return because they got flustered…”

This is something I had not considered to be honest, but is a great point and something I shall take on board.

[Johanx64]

I hated receiving gifs when I was broke/poor with passion.

It basically works like this:

1. I receive a gift of 50$ usually spent very sub-optimally.

2. Now I have to spend ~50$ buying a gift in turn.

The end result: someone buying me gift for 50$ is equivalent to forcing a bad 50$ purchase upon me OR forcing me to feel bad and potentially be perceived as ungrateful/unreciprocating.

[ryanwaggoner]

This is a wonderful response, both non-judgmental and wise.