[sbarre]

Try to change roles or companies?

I don't mean this flippantly here, it's a crap situation to find yourself in but sometimes people just don't get along, or people are just not great, and you do need to know when to cut your losses and make a move.

[manmal]

Running away shouldn’t be the first option IMO.

[sbarre]

Never said it should be the first option but if your direct manager doesn't like you and won't talk about it, you don't have that many options.

There is a power imbalance at play, and you are not on the good end of it.

Framing it as "running away" is weird.. One of the most important life skills is to know when to pick your battles.

If you go over their head, and they get forced into a discussion with you, then what? You think that will improve the relationship? And do you want to have that person responsible for your ongoing career opportunities and advancements?

Unless they are actually breaking some rules, there isn't much HR or a leader high up can or will do. In fact I bet their recommendation would be to change teams as well.

I'd love to hear your suggestions though.

[manmal]

Thanks for adding more context and nuance. In the scenario you seem to be describing, I‘d consider leaving too - my situation isn’t that bad. I think a last resort could be to request a 1on1 and speak Tacheles, and maybe find a better basis on which to communicate. If that doesn’t work out, I think leaving is an option to definitely look at, life‘s too short for bad relationships (if they can be avoided).

[sbarre]

Let me start by saying I didn't realize you were speaking about your own experience! I thought we were having a theoretical discussion here. That changes the stakes on your end of course..

Just a question, when you say "request a 1 on 1" do you mean request to specifically speak about this? Or do you not have regular 1-on-1s with your manager already?

I think it's a concern that your manager doesn't already have or want weekly 1-on-1 meetings. Do you know if this is with all their reports, or just you?

If it's with all their reports, that's.. honestly? not a great manager.

It's just with you, then I think that's further evidence that this person does not, and will not, have your best interests in mind.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, I hope you find a good outcome!