There is an absolutely heartbreaking(to me at least) moment in the classics in "Sayings of the Spartan Women" when Leonidas is leading his men to Thermophylae to almost certain death at the hands of the Persians his wife asks him what she should do if he dies and he says "Marry a good man, and bear good children."
I think this is amazing. He wants her to lead a happy and full life. I for sure would want that for my wife if I was to die first. I love her to bits and would want her to be happy.
The idea of a couple that belongs together beyond death might sound romantic but is ultimately too tough on the one left behind, especially if the loving couple are separated with the "leftover" still being relatively young.
(On a side note, I'm positively excited to read a quote on HN that dates from about 480 before Christ. It surely is still relevant two and a half thousand years later.)
I've even heard stories where the one who is dying offers advice to the one who will survive about which of their single friends would likely make the best match.
And why not? Who knows the remaining spouse better than the departing one? Who has better insight than that? It seems like a deeply loving thing to do.
Even though her death was sudden and there was no chance to prepare for it, it makes me smile to know my sister's widower married someone who knew and loved my sister too. And it's probably easier for the second spouse this way too, because she does have context for her husband's grief. She also grieves the anniversary of my sister's death, obviously not in the same way, but with an understanding that someone who didn't know my sister would struggle to have.
My partner always tells me that if something happens to me, that's it for him. He doesn't want a relationship with anyone else.
To me, that is the saddest thought in the world. My sincerest hope is that he would find someone else he loves as much as me, and that he would tell her stories about me and let me be a happy memory rather than a sad one.
My uncle's wife remarried years after my uncle died after a long illness. She married a man who, himself, had been similarly widowed. She wore a gray wedding dress to indicate that she had been married before, and they placed two beautiful photos of their late partners behind the altar where they made their vows.
It was really beautiful and inspiring to see them carry on with their lives and love again, while proudly bringing along the memories of the two people they had lost and still loved as well. When I visit them at their home, it is filled with pictures of them with each other and with their late spouses, all intermixed, and it's deeply comforting to me. Even though they never knew each other before they were widowed, they tell me that it feels like they know each other's late spouses as if they had all been good friends together.
If I were the one dying of a long illness, knowing that something like that was on my partner's future would give me a more peaceful death. I wouldn't feel like I was letting him down and ruining his life — just saying goodbye to him in this chapter of his life, while finishing up my own chapter.
I think this is amazing. He wants her to lead a happy and full life. I for sure would want that for my wife if I was to die first. I love her to bits and would want her to be happy.