This happens with homeschooled kids too. My daughters didn't get to choose the other kids they took ice skating or salsa classes with. My son didn't get to pick the kids on his soccer team or Cub Scouts group. You're making a false dichotomy, as if homeschooled kids inhabit a parallel universe with no contact with kids who go to school. That just isn't the case.
> This is actually extremely valuable as a life experience, and not gaining it as a child represents a major loss
Indeed: if you don't get this life experience, you don't learn to cultivate a fervent hate towards other humans. :-( Whether this is a desirable trait for you children to get is up to you to decide ...
The point is to figure out how to associate with arbitrary people without cultivating a "fervent hate" toward them.
Everyone will have to participate in arbitrarily composed groups of people throughout life. Is it more or less likely for that experience to be one of hatred if exposed to it earlier or only later?
I hear that said but I completely disagree. Being surrounded by mostly game-addicted goal-less classmates is a drag on even a motivated high achiever. It was such a difference to have the flexibility of homeschooling and be able to get him in with some like-minded kids and watch him bloom (my anecdote, n=1).
Both experiences seem useful to me. The first is useful as a lesson that lots of people are like this (which is just true) and maybe it's not what you want for yourself, and the second is useful for the obvious reasons. Finding time to get both of those lessons is hard though, I get it.