[logrot]

Microsoft cloud is totally secure and your data will only be shared with trusted partners. If you have nothing to hide then you have nothing to worry.

Now please log in with your Microsoft account.

[cjk2]

Trusted partners being whoever managed to extract their MSA key from a memory dump from a wide open onedrive by one of their engineers.

[henriquecm8]

"Drink the verification can" is more relevant than ever.

[logrot]

Based on your excruciatingly detailed activity for the last 3 months, you haven't been buying any cans. Yet you've been passing the drink verification test.

Your account is suspended until you provide proof of purchase or pay full retail price for 90 cans, plus 200% surcharge.

[sureIy]

Don’t forget to verify your identity or else you won’t be able to access some websites (and be fully tracked so we know when to come get you)