[smeej]

I feel like I'm on a completely different journey, one in which I realize my effort is up to me, but the results of my efforts are not--at all.

I only get to live life moment by moment. All I can ever do is what seems to me to be the next right step. The overwhelming majority of the time, that's actually very clear, and very small. In very few of my moments am I called upon to make momentous decisions.

What happens when I make the thousands of small choices usually has very little effect on anything except how I train my own mind to address future decisions. Especially if I'm interacting with another person, how long ago and what they ate is probably going to have a bigger impact on how they receive what I say than anything I can do about how I say it.

So I'm working on letting go of results completely. Perhaps this would be spectacularly stupid if I didn't believe in a fundamental, personal force for good that underlies all reality, but in that context, letting go of any sense of personal responsibility for outcomes is really helping me find peace (and, incidentally, finally find achievement).