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by andycowley 765 days ago
As a neurodivergent, the idea of scheduling this tightly makes me physically sick. I do need structure, even to the point of "I'm going to veg for two hours", but having it in a calendar entry will make me immediately ignore it.

To lists work really well, but I have to have a (at least) two-tier system. Stuff I'm doing now and a backlog. If all I've got is the backlog, it's too overwhelming

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I'm interested to know how that makes one neurodivergent. I have the same aversion towards calendar entries, and I have yet to pinpoint what it is that creates this aversion. It's not necessarily that I don't like to do the actual event or task, it feels more like putting it in the calendar makes it official and I will force myself to do it because calendar and I hate to forfeit on things. This then leading to anxiety, what if I really don't want to do this now, or I'm unable to do it so I have to reschedule which triggers yet another confrontation with the dreaded calendar (finding a new entry).
One of my particular adhd symptoms is Oppositional Defiant Disorder https://www.additudemag.com/oppositional-defiant-disorder-in...

In short, if I get to decide when to do something, that's great. If someone asks me to do it, or worse _tells_ me, this kicks in and it takes a huge effort of will to overcome my opposition to it. I've noticed this is also true of 'systems' like calendars.

If you then combine this with my impaired executive function, and difficulty I task switching (to more on the list of symptoms), you get a cocktail of both anxiety and oppositional thought, which results in me doing nothing and internalising the berating that every authority figure in my life gave me because I'm lazy, rather than having a neurodevelopmental disorder.

Jeez. Never heard of this one until today. But I immediately recognize this in my behaviour.

I am beginning to think ADHD is like a deck of cards. You are given ~10 random cards as symptoms! There are so many to choose from!

Yeah. When you start to really research it you realise it isn't a single disorder, it's a collection of symptoms and behaviours, and everyone's collection is different.