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Are you me? Hah. I identify with your situation quite a lot. From exhibiting ADHD type symptoms, to self-medicating, to entering tech, to being unable to hold a job. Quitting weed didn't help me. I stopped for 2 months. I'm not off weed, but I don't rely on it nearly as much. When I smoked, I thought I could be my authentic self and care less about what others think of me. Weed helped with this 30% of the time. The other 70% of the time weed made me closed off, paranoid, and sometimes just weird. But I latched on to the good times to tell myself that it was helpful. My only suggestion: find a good therapist and start this journey now (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/). I thought I had ADHD. I thought I had an addiction to weed. I thought I was in the right career. After a very public firing, and going into my 30s, I knew something had to change. Your situation may be completely different - I have no idea, this is just my exp. Now, I'm on a different path. I'm working towards a career pivot. I'm doing things that are completely different from my prev career. I enjoy it. I don't know where I'm going exactly, which is terrifying, but....... it's fine. Consider this next chapter as a series of small experiments to tease out who you really are. And for God's sakes, don't throw away your relationship with your Wife. Like you, I have no idea why my partner stuck with me. They has been my strongest support. |