| Here's my thoughts: 1. Don't leave a family that loves you just because you feel like you're failing them. None of us are perfect parents or spouses. Do spend a little time with each of them every day doing whatever they want. Maintaining relationships is just about giving time, it's not about anything else. 2. Take a little Aderall (or whatever weak ADHD med does something for you) in the morning and drop all the other substances. Weed seems helpful at the start, but all the people I know who have done weed long-term are ruined in the end. It takes a few months to get over things like weed, and those aren't fun months. Drink some grapefruit juice, chew on a toothbrush, get some baoding balls. 3. I like the other comment about your nutrition. Focus on gut-healthy foods for a while, and get some fresh-ground grains. Some families have food-habits that affect their mental state, yet they don't realize this because they grew up with it, etc. 4. Consider just doing a part-time job. (Maybe your wife can do a part-time or full-time job too?) Your family can understand that you need a lot of change, and that you can't focus 8+ hours per day. Help your neighbors and church family and community during your off hours. 5. You can express your fears and anxieties to those around you. They'll learn to accept that. Don't be a false you. 6. For non-programming jobs: you can be a software tester. It's boring for most people, but it's not as intense as programming, and it's generally available in part-time. Scripting skills can also apply to that. I'm guessing that your anxiety makes sales work difficult? Doing customer presentations is difficult? Do you have an interest in something more physical? Maybe auto mechanic work? Maybe electrical wiring in houses? |