Sorry to hear that. My experiences haven't been very different. I really can't tell if the current review process is the least bad among alternatives or is there something better (if so, what is it?).
I'm sorry to hear that too. I really wish there was something that could be done. I imagine a lot of graduate students are in complicated situations because of this.
As for alternatives: I don't see why we don't just push to OpenReview and call it a day. We can link our code, it has revisions, and people can comment and review. I don't see what the advantage of having 1-3 referees who don't want to read my paper and have no interest in it but have strong incentives to reject it is any meaningful signal of value. I'll take arxiv over their opinions.
As for alternatives: I don't see why we don't just push to OpenReview and call it a day. We can link our code, it has revisions, and people can comment and review. I don't see what the advantage of having 1-3 referees who don't want to read my paper and have no interest in it but have strong incentives to reject it is any meaningful signal of value. I'll take arxiv over their opinions.