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Do you see a psychologist and doctor to help you with this (can you afford them?). I think this needs professional help (I am not saying that in a negative way, but I think you need the best help possible). The problem with doctors and psychologists in general is it a lottery and you might have to try different ones to find the ones that take you seriously and don't just shove a drug at you to try (unless they have a really good reason to and they have understood your issues).

So, assuming you don't have a great team, what you could do with is a good friend/family member to advocate for you while you navigate this to get the best help.

You probably also need money to do this, as few countries will provide this for free. Or if they do there will be waitlists. Hopefully you can afford it or someone can help you there, or your advocate can find free resources that are good for you.

What happened to you in childhood/school is not OK, but it is sermountable.

Hope it goes well. Good luck!