[sillysaurusx]

I was honestly terrified to post it. I didn’t want to cause you any problems (e.g. if the replies turned into a dumpster fire) or any weirdness (it’s really hard to strike a balance between saying everything you want to, and not being overbearing about it). It’s a relief that the message made it to you and brightened up your day a bit more.

All the best to your family as well — we hope to have two one day too.

[freedomben]

I debated saying something like this too because I've had it backfire, but in a way I didn't expect.

My daughter was excited to go to a coding camp with me, until several people (not all at the same time) each stopped to praise her for being a girl, and me for bringing my daughter. Everyone truly had the best of intentions, but the unfortunate impact was it gave her a bunch of attention that she didn't want, and only served to raise her awareness of how few girls there were. It made her feel more like a misfit and an alien. Afer she realized that it wasn't "normal for a girl to do coding," she didn't want to go anymore. That was a hard and heartbreaking lesson for me. I don't know if it's even applicable outside of my circle, but figured I'd mention it in case it's helpful to others who are trying to create a warm/welcome/inclusive environment. Since then I basically just try to "act normal." It's a hard problem.

[sillysaurusx]

That! This! Thank you for talking about it and putting it into words. Not only is it applicable, I’ve had so many discussions about it with my wife. Her central theme is "treat us normally; stop making it a big deal" but with the added context of "it sucks that there aren’t many examples of that." So it’s a balance between the two. I told my wife your story and she said yup, that checks out. I wanted to touch on this but couldn’t figure out how to fit it in.

She points out that the thing not to do is to be like "wow, you’re a girl!" and instead showcase examples of women coding. It’s the showcasing part that helps them feel like they belong. She notes that it would be cool if people would just say "this is Ada Lovelace, she was the first programmer" instead of doing the usual thing of saying "the first programmer was a woman". They might seem equivalent to us, but it feels way different to experience, and it’s something that I couldn’t appreciate until a few instances of me feeling out of place as a man. And then I realized that’s how women feel in tech.

That’s also why OP’s example meant so much to me. It was completely casual, which is the only way my daughter might feel like she belongs too.

Thanks again, and you also have a wonderful week.

[teddyh]

Another person’s explanation: <https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14702676>