[esperent]

> here’s many possible factors in the past 100 years which could contribute to our poor mental health

Some more examples: breaking down of social contracts especially around family structures and religion, greater mobility meaning people lose contact with family and friends, greater isolation due to increased internet and tv usage, increased loneliness in many age groups, social media, greater access to depressing news (reddit in particular is a massive fountain of depression), a focus in modern western media on violence and violent heros, increased over sexualization which leads to fewer genuinely supportive sexual relationships for many people, and on and on.

I do think diet may play a role for some people. But I've personally been struggling with a deep depression over the past year (I think I'm over the worst now but it's been rough) and my diet is very healthy, low carb. I get plenty of exercise - could improve a bit but I'm probably top 5% for my age and gender. I don't sleep well when depressed, that's a big slippery slope. But I don't think fixing diets will be a magic bullet (although a society wide shift to healthier diets would have massive benefits in many areas).

The things that have genuinely helped me:

* CBT therapy (self taught). So called bibliotherapy I guess. Books by Beck and Seligman were especially helpful

* The book on male depression by Terence Real, especially the idea of covert depression that can hide for years behind addictions, or workaholism, or chasing status, etc. until that is lost for some reason and "real" depression appears. So many of the examples in that book resonated with me.

* Taking time off work

* Journaling daily

* Meditation and relaxation practice

* Deep and often painful conversations with my partner

* Socializing as much as possible but being careful to "fake it" and stay positive while doing so. After a few attempts I decided not to tell nearly anyone about my struggles

Things that didn't help me, or at least were ambivalent

* Keto diet for a few weeks. I feel it might have helped a bit but not hugely, and it was too hard for me to keep up. Going from a very unhealthy diet to a healthy diet would probably have a big benefit though

* Reaching out to friends and family - it's a sad truism that as a man, reaching out to people rarely works and is more likely to result in further isolation. If you do reach out, choose the people with great care. Accept when they don't respond well with feeling hard done by. Society has conditioned all of us to be hard on men who share. You might be more lucky than I was - it really depends on your friends I guess. Pre-covid I lived on the other side of the world and might have had better luck with my friends there. In any case, as per CBT therapy, it may even be more effective to go out and ignore your depression for a while and have a good time anyway

* Xanax - it did help me through a few rough nights but each time I paid back by feeling super anxious a day later so I don't take it much. I don't drink much but alcohol similarly

Didn't try but would if going through this again:

* Therapy, but only with a CBT (or similar) trained therapist

* Antidepressants, but only one of the non-anticholinergic ones, preferably something fast acting, and only with the clear intension to use it for a short time (3-6 months)

[klyrs]

> It's a sad truism that as a man, reaching out to people rarely works and is more likely to result in further isolation.

In my experience, the only men I've gotten any kind of positive support from are men with daughters. Not all men with daughters, of course. The rest just minimize my feelings, give bad advice that doesn't work for my situation, blame me for having stupid feelings, or just shut down and change the subject. So I tend to only reach out to other women for support. And when a man reaches out to me for support, I'm gonna try to help him, but if he hasn't been there for me when I tried to lean on him? That's free lunch, and I have a limited budget.

It's a chicken-and-egg problem. You guys need to learn how to listen. Do that, and there will be more support available when you need it.

So I'll add one to your try-next-time list: go out and help people. Volunteer in a soup kitchen or something. I do tend to wallow a bit when I'm depressed, and doing something selfless breaks me out of that mindset for at least the duration of the act.

[breck]

Have you tried a hobby(s) building things in the real world (ie cooking, pottery, camping, auto work, carpentry, et cetera)?

[esperent]

Yes, I've been teaching myself guitar for the last six months. I think I would put that in the ambivalent category. It's more often frustrating than exulting and probably will be for another year at least.

But I also took up old hobbies of going out dancing and hiking and those are in the definitely helpful category. I never gave them up fully but had stopped doing them as often as I used to.

I think I'd summarize as: pick up an old hobby that you already know, if possible, or if choosing a new one, make it easy and even better if it involves meeting other people, being in nature, physical movement, or all three. I.e. go out to a pottery making workshop rather than learning it by yourself at home if you can handle it.

[breck]

Physical activity, and social activity, and interacting with the world (guitar) are all critical too.

But have you "tried a hobby(s) building things in the real world"? Movement is great, but in addition to that I'm specifically wondering about building.

I can tell you are a great writer, which makes me think your mind likes to build things, and I wonder if you've been restricting yourself to only building 2 dimensional things (on paper/screens), and not building things in the 3d/4d world (plumbing, gardening, electronics, etc). Maybe the depression is your body telling you it needs to be building in the real world too.

(Just an idea; could be wrong; feel free to totally disregard)

[esperent]

It's a good idea and one I've considered myself - and it is true that over the last few years for several reasons (running a business, living in the tropics where it's pushing 40C much of the year) I don't build real things as much as I used to. I do miss that, and I do identify it as a contributing factor.

However, one thing I'm sure of is that there are many contributing factors, and any reductive attempt to fix depression (just do a keto diet, just build things, just get more exercise) is not gonna be a solution. Besides, in a deep depression, these are likely to be close to impossible.

The best initial solution, as per modern scientific research, is CBT therapy and/or antidepressants. Next step is to bring joy and health back into your life - exercise, socialize, healthy diet, build things etc.

The third step is to figure out what went wrong and what's needed to fix it. You can and should do all of these concurrently - although it's probably a good idea to hold off on the last one until you've retrained yourself, or used drugs, to have a positive mindset - but the first step is the one that's needed to kick things off.

[breck]

> The third step is to figure out what went wrong and what's needed to fix it.

Very much agree.

Lately I've been wondering if depression is nature's way of forcing us to leave behind our current ways of thinking and grow a new neural shell: https://breckyunits.com/doHumanBrainsMolt.html

Lobsters act depressed during molting. It's a painful process. Even if they are comfortable in their current shell, nature does not give them a choice. Proteins escalate, and they must molt. This goes on for their entire lives. I wonder if we will discover a similar mechanism in human brains.