[bevekspldnw]

I’ve been working in digital rights and advocacy for years. High rhetoric isn’t how you change things, it’s long-term commitment to meaningful action that must be sustained or it will falter.

My annoyance is that I’ve had this discussion a hundred times and unless you are in the trenches trying to make change while supporting your family I’m not really interested in musings on what a better world looks like, I’m busy trying to support myself doing the work to make it happen.

And per my comment above, I’ve given up a TON of money, but I still deserve to have money in my pocket.

[nurple]

Now that's something I can work with. I don't intentionally spout high rhetoric as a way to chastise or belittle, though I admit I do let frustration leak into my words. I honestly am looking for how I and more people can be a part of a change, I do _want_ productive discussions.

This week has been an interesting one for me, my perspective has shifted quite drastically. Honestly I was bitter, I found that I was unintentionally on a mission to inflate perceived injustices to create bad people in my mind, ostensibly for the purpose of making myself look "good" in comparison. I let that need leak into my interpersonal interactions in an attempt to push that juxtaposition into other people's minds.

I'm not in the trenches like you because I spent a decade focusing on bootstrapping a company because I wanted money, and I selfishly wanted to just ignore everything that bothered me and focus on what I loved doing. In the end it ruined most of what I actually value, and that changed me in ways I hadn't realized; in the end I burned myself and bridges as those things began to crumble.

I will say that I've thought a lot about our conversation this week as I've been trying to find a path to somewhere better, as I do struggle a lot with what you're saying as I have kids of my own, some adult, who are seriously struggling because of the screwed up money obsessed world we find ourselves in.

A pretty big part of the torment I was laying on myself was because I didn't feel like I deserved the monetary success I had worked so hard to find, I felt like liquidating my value as my co-founder had was tantamount to becoming one of those people I so fervently despised. I've instead been trying to prove to myself that I could do it again on my own, with the expected result.

I decided to call our investor this week and negotiated a buyout of my equity. Now I guess I just need to figure out how I can turn that into some good in the world. I'm incredibly grateful at this point actually, I've experienced having nothing, I've experience true hopelessness, and I've experienced how much even a small gesture by someone who cares can drastically change one's circumstances and frame of mind.

If there's anything you could share with me about your experience in advocacy, I would be humbly thankful.

I apologize for how I treated you.