[ChrisMarshallNY]

The company that I worked for, had a row of these across the primo parking spaces.

During the fall months, these parking spaces were always available.

I found out why.

If you park under one of these things in November, you come out in the evening, and it looks like every incontinent buzzard on Earth sat over your car.

[tomohawk]

I thought you were going to say something about how large branches will just pop off and crush anything beneath them at random times. This is due to how multiple branches will come from the trunk at the same point, and are weakly attached.

EDIT:

Having finally eradicated all of the ones from our land, the best method is to immediately pour herbicide onto the trunk after cutting it down. The herbicide will get sucked down into the roots this way. If you don't do this, you'll get new suckers all over the place for a few years.

[aidenn0]

What herbicide do you use? I have a tree growing under my roofline that keeps growing back. I tried glyphosate last time, but it came back.

[SEJeff]

How did you apply? For something fast growing / invasive like a Bradford pear, or a honeysuckle, you really need to get Glyphosate into the roots for it to die. I was taught this trick by an Arborist:

Cut the tree down and leave 4-6” above the ground. Take a small drill and put a 3/8” drill bit in it. Try to find the small hole in the very middle of the trunk and drill down into it. This is how the sap flows through the tree. Carefully spray 3-4 good sprays of Glyphosate into the hole with gloves and eye protection. The tree and gravity will take this down into the roots where they will die. The small amount of Glyophosate will stay in the roots for approximately eight years, and it won’t leak out into the soil as it’s held by them.

[Terr_]

That makes me think of some bamboo eradication advice: You allow new growth to progress so that it consumes energy from the tricky root system, then cut it before the fresh sections can provide much in photosynthetic return-on-investment. After a few years of losing calories with each attempt, the plant runs out.

That might only work for plants with "bursty" regrowth though.

[devmor]

I spent 3 years combating bamboo in a similar fashion and it certainly didn't work for me. I've never experienced a more frustratingly invasive plant in my life. Even wild blackberries are easier to deal with.

[pvaldes]

You may appreciate the fact that Bamboo sprouting is edible. I add rings of fresh bamboo to my pasta dishes and is a nice touch for a summer salad.

Just use only the new stems, the parts that can be sliced with a sharp kitchen knife using your hand and reasonable force, and discard everything else.

Best advice is not planting it unless you have a lot of space and something to do with it or build --strong-- concrete root barriers. Alcatraz jail level.

[ChrisMarshallNY]

Around here, the best way to deal with a bamboo infestation is with a backhoe.

Bamboo is big grass. It spreads via seeds and roots. It all needs to be ripped out.

When I lived in Africa, we'd have bamboo forests, with trunks up to about a two-foot diameter (and about six inches apart). Completely impassable.

Great place for small critters to escape big predators.

[devmor]

Unfortunately for me, my neighbor had about a half acre of thick bamboo forest, and thus my yard was set upon by the plant endlessly.

[hansvm]

That's how I deal with a mint infestation. After 6-8 prunings the plant is usually dead.

[Turing_Machine]

Supposedly painting it on the cut end of the trunk on a periodic basis (and on the cut ends of any sprouts that do come up) is more effective than a one-time drench. Glyphosate has a pretty short half-life.

Also, a spot treatment of the ends means considerably less herbicide entering the soil.

[adestefan]

Glyphosate is only absorbed through foliage. I have had good luck with brush killer.

[mechanicalpulse]

I believe the best herbicide for many situations may very well be patience and elbow grease.

Disclaimer: While I am an avid gardener and I enjoy learning about the agricultural sciences, I am a computerologist, not a botanist, biologist, or chemist.

I don't know all there is to know about herbicides. I know there are broad-spectrum herbicides and selective herbicides, but I am only aware of two of them by name.

There's the well-known broad-spectrum herbicide glyphosate, of course, but it is absorbed by foilage and has low persistence in soil. This is why the application instructions typically say to apply in sunny weather when the winds are light and rain is not expected for several days.

Then there's tebuthiuron, another broad-spectrum herbicide. It's been almost fifteen years, now, but there was a famous case of landmark oak trees in Auburn, Alabama, being poisoned with Spike 80DF -- a specific formulation of tebuthiuron made by Dow -- by a rabid sports fan upset by the recent success of a rival. Because tebuthiuron is absorbed through the roots, has high persistence in soil, and inhibits photosynthesis, the trees were assured to die. My understanding is that this is an industrial herbicide, though, and may be difficult for consumers to obtain. It's banned in the EU.

Don't do what I did, which is to throw caution to the wind in frustration.

I was successful in killing a tree under my roofline. It was planted less than a foot away from the foundation and was difficult to prune due to its location amidst yews and aborvitaes. The trunk grew to about 3" in diameter before I decided to cut it down. I cut it down to about an inch or two above the ground. It was nothing if not insistent, though. It continued to put out new shoots and I would cull them and/or spray it with glyphosate when I noticed it. After a couple of years of this dance, I escalated things. I cut the trunk down beneath the surface so that no part of it was above the ground. I doused it with a number of chemicals based on advice I received. Eventually, it stopped putting out new shoots. Over the next few years, though, the pair of healthy, well-established arborvitaes about ten feet away on either side began to brown and die. I think it's quite likely that whatever I did to rid myself of the tree also contributed to the demise of my arborvitaes.

If I had to do it over again -- having the benefit of hindsight as well as the patience that comes with age -- I would have tried to suffocate and starve it instead of saturating the soil with something that may hang around to impose unintended consequences. Perhaps I would have had success cutting it beneath the ground and capping it with a sturdy container impermeable to light, water, and air. I would have periodically removed the cap long enough to eliminate any new branches or shoots that should threaten to breach the barrier. I would have done this until it exhausted all of its energy reserves trying to reach the light.

Cellulose is constructed from chains of glucose -- probably the most common carbohydrate produced via photosynthesis. Plants synthesize carbohydrates, store them in tissue, and later metabolize them via respiration. If one is both diligent and patient in limiting the plant's capacity to photosynthesize and respirate, I am sure it will eventually die.

Glucose photosynthesis: 6CO₂ + 6H₂O → C₆H₁₂O₆ + 6O₂

Aerobic respiration: C₆H₁₂O₆ + 6O₂ → 6CO₂ + 6H₂O + ATP

Good luck with your tree!

[ChrisMarshallNY]

This is true. Same with Ailanthus.

I was talking about the pears, which are small, round things, and rot on the branch; finally plopping off. They make this nasty, sticky brown mess, filled with seeds. Looks exactly like [large] bird shit, but is actually a lot more difficult to clean.

[pandemic_region]

Does 'sat over' imply 'shat on'?

[ChrisMarshallNY]

Pretty much.

"Sitting Over" + "Incontinent" == "Shat On"