[em-bee]

that's very difficult when you have a trait that others can't see, and therefore can't be aware of or understand, and much less empathize with. it feels wrong because you keep getting confronted with expectations that you can't fulfill. and you can't see others that have the same experience. so you end up feeling you are the only one.

[coldtea]

Yeah, and people say "being different is fine", "you're not wrong, you're you" and so on, but in the end unless you're one of socially accepted forms of different that are celebrated, they still shun you.

[yetihehe]

Or "just be yourself". It's good when your "yourself" meets their expectations.

[JohnBooty]

I hope you can find your tribe, so to speak. My best friend is ace and has a large and supportive ace friend group. It is not a cure-all but it sure goes a long way....

[em-bee]

i haven't, but thanks for your thought. i have only recently begun to understand what the difficulties i am facing are and how they affect me, and how they were caused growing up, so i haven't been searching. i have also been coping reasonably well, in part because for a long time i was not even aware, which kept me from wondering to much. the only thing i noticed was that i had difficulties making friends, like some others here. so in a way HN is my tribe so far.

as for the challenge of making friends, for some reason, growing up, i didn't feel the need, but saw the benefit of not being submitted to peer pressure. i took my outsider status and relished in it, doing things that few others of my classmates did. i distanced myself and sought friends in after school activities. and as i was able to make a few friends once i joined university i felt that, given the circumstances, things didn't go that bad.

the making friends problem i am addressing by moving out of europe and living among people who are more welcoming than the average europeans, and also by applying this key understanding:

being a friend means to care about someone. you make friends by showing that you care.

i show that care to everyone who crosses my path, and with repeated interaction some of these people become friends.