[TeaDrunk]

Forgiveness isn't like acting like what a person did never happened. It's describing the cessation of the feeling of resentment and anger at being wronged. Depending on how small or large the action is, the wrongful action can be but is not always treated as if it never happened. I can cease being angry at my abusive parents but that doesn't mean I have to engage with them.

[Modified3019]

That's what you say is the definition of forgiveness, sure.

But is that the definition of forgiveness that everyone else actually has? Clearly enough people have a definition of forgiveness meaning exactly "acting like what a person did never happened", that threads like this become split with people talking past each other.

[TeaDrunk]

I mean... dictionary.com??

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/forgive

1 : to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon forgive one's enemies

[Modified3019]

Dictionaries don’t determine how populations actually use words. They either tell you what the author thinks the word should mean, or more optimistically how a population used to use a word, with considerable lag between updates. When a dictionary fails to capture the meaning of how people use a word, is that a failure of the dictionary, or the people using the word?

To be clear, you are not wrong for having your own definition, but neither are others. Which is what I’m trying to communicate.

Again, what’s most important is to hear what people are actually saying in good faith, instead of trying to jam it into the shape we’d prefer. If so many people have a more complex definition of forgiveness than expected, does constantly waggling a finger and pointing to another definition facilitate communication, or does it start resembling gaslighting? For many people, telling them to “forgive” is identical to telling them to say “it’s fine/it’s no problem anymore”. What a dictionary says is irrelevant here, is the above what you really want to say, even accidentally?

When a population is clearly split on word meaning, then frankly the best thing to do is find a better word that can properly separate the concepts being used. Or just call it what it is, “letting go of anger/resentment”. Frankly that’s a lot more clear on the scope and benefits of what is being talked about. Perhaps psychology has something applicable, dunno.