[matwood]

> Don't speak.

Great advice. Nothing shows confidence more than asking a question and then waiting for answer. Let the awkward silence sit.

And when you do speak, keep answers short and to the point. It also conveys confidence.

Anytime I see/hear someone rambling in email/on meeting, I know they are not confident in what they are saying.

[lowbloodsugar]

>Anytime I see/hear someone rambling in email/on meeting, I know they are not confident in what they are saying.

Well then you are dismissing people unfairly. You won't hear a peep out of me if I don't know the answer. On the other hand, if I have mountains of data that proves my point, or if the problem is nuanced, you'll hear all of it.

I'm working on getting better at distilling that data into short, actionable points for people like VPs (because I'm now at the level where these people read what I write).

But if you were to assume that I'm not confident, based on my inability to boil it down, you'd be drawing the wrong conclusion. You should listen to me because I'm nearly always right, and when I'm wrong, I'm usually the first to identify that fact and provide a solution.

Also I am autistic, which certainly impacts my communication.

[matwood]

> On the other hand, if I have mountains of data that proves my point, or if the problem is nuanced, you'll hear all of it.

I wouldn't consider this rambling. There are many people who just talk to fill space. Their point was made in the first 10 seconds and then they just keep going. IMO, that's very different than going over all the data or explaining a nuance.

[AlwaysRock]

> Let the awkward silence sit.

I'd argue its far better to say something like, "Good question. I need to think about that for a minute" rather than just sit there saying nothing at all after being asked something. I know a few engineers who do that and while their answer is normally fine, the awkward silence makes me and others question their social skills. Not their intelligence.

I know other engineers who do the same thing but say, "Let me think about that for a minute" and I've never heard of anyone questioning their ability to think quickly or social skills.

What you are suggesting is not wrong, its just a bit.. rude? awkward? Why impose that feeling on others when a clarifying sentence can prevent it?

[NegativeK]

I've seen an interviewer react negatively to a CISO candidate who wanted to actually think about our question.

Nobody paid attention to that interviewer, but they're probably not the only one in the panel to have that (wrong, in my opinion) reaction -- just the one to voice it.

[matwood]

I said when you are the question asker, give the person time to answer. Too often, particularly in challenging conversations, the asker will not wait for an answer.

When you are the answerer, yes, do what you suggest but try not to ramble.

[rawgabbit]

This is the best advice.

The best impromptu speakers, who can carry debates and thrive on off the cuff arguments, in my experience were full of shit. When I critically look at what they said, it usually boiled down to: (a) if you're not with us, then you are against us (b) you just need to believe, work harder, and stop complaining.