Genuine question - why do headlights need to be on the main CAN bus? Could they not be operated from somewhere closer to the ECU by wires that just carry power and maybe some very simple data lines?
I can see fiberoptics, but wireless just wouldn't be reliable. There are too many sources of noise in a car, plus rush hour traffic with dozens (hundreds?) of cars nearby broadcasting on similar frequencies.
It may be something as stupid as a wiring harness layout optimization. You can put the headlights controller at the headlights and only run a single set of CAN bus wires (which are probably in that area anyways), haven't played with CAN I assume they are fairly few and fairly thing gauge, through the firewall of the car.