[NoMoreNicksLeft]

> This includes being nice to animals,

Why would I be nice to food?

> and telesales people.

Why would you encourage them? Decent people seek to punish them harshly by any legal means.

> For the record I think being a dick to a slab of granite is quite possible - given that the being-a-dick-ness is inherent in the person being-a-dick more so than the slab of granite's ability to perceive it.

I disagree. Dickishness only exists within the interaction of two people. There's no meaningful claim of dickishness for the man alone on the desert island. At best it is a prediction for when he is around other people, but it doesn't even seem like a very good prediction.