[swozey]

> and the sheer number of interactions that lead to nothing is much higher and more quantifiable than IRL

I've done tons of online dating and used to bartend so I'm around single IRL people all the time. I absolutely have far, far more "successful interactions" in OLD, unless you're also referring to chatting, which is pointless to even discuss. I'm referring to actually meeting the person and whether that turns out success in whatever way someone considers that.

If I go out to a bar and hang out, and potentially start talking to some new woman for hours knowing absolutely nothing about her - I have no idea if she's attracted to me, nor single, etc. I've probably spent thousands of hours casually talking to someone I may find interesting only to find out before they leave that they're either not interested or not single or not hetero, whatever.

I'm not one to ever care about rejection but the fact that people take it personally in OLD and call it "ghosting" when someone you've matched with and don't connect with through chatting and move forward to meet and etc is absolutely pathetic.

[arvinsim]

The reason why people hate ghosting is because it is not explicit rejection. It wastes your time by making you wait in a state of uncertainty.

[swozey]

That isn't ghosting. GHOSTING is when someone who actually is involved with you in a RELATIONSHIP beyond a 1 steak dinner tinder date disappears from your life without any recognition that they're leaving. Someone you ACTUALLY have ties to.

I've had it happen before. I've also had thousands of OLD rejections (uwu oh no), and there is absolutely no comparison between some dweeb getting rejected after 2 dates and crying about it and having someone you've been with for years disappear.

My partner in 2020 disappeared when she stopped taking her medication. It was absolutely traumatizing that this person I spent 2 years with just disappeared without a word one day. I know she's alive and in my city but in 4 years I've never heard a word. No drunk texts, nothin. And I'm not going to track her down or seem stalkerish if she clearly lost interest in having me in her life.

And you know what one of the most frustrating parts of that 2020 when I was stuck at home hiding from covid and my partner just disappeared? When I'd look up support from other people online about being ghosted/dear-johned and 99% of the posts on reddit/etc where about ONLINE DATING GHOSTERS. God. Some of those people were absolutely pathetic.

It's ABSOLUTELY ridiculous to expect someone you've hung out with a few times via OLD to NOT disappear without telling you why. Christ I've done it a billion times. You don't feel a connection, you move on, both people USUALLY understand and are mature about it and don't cry and almost all of the time it's mutual because if I'm not feeling a vibe I'm probably not going to seem interested, and vice versa.

I don't think I've ever had a woman cause any stress when we've ended things and moved on.

[sublinear]

> I have no idea if she's attracted to me, nor single, etc. I've probably spent thousands of hours casually talking to someone I may find interesting only to find out before they leave that they're either not interested or not single or not hetero, whatever.

This sounds very off. It's extremely common for people to overshare when drinking. If you can't figure things out in that environment I'm not sure how much lower the barrier to entry can be.

This sounds like dating app propaganda or I just live somewhere with much friendlier people.

[swozey]

Well, I didn't say "I can't figure out how to pick someone up at a bar or IRL," I said- in less words, my ratio of successfully picking someone up via OLD is higher than my IRL pickups. You have no idea if that's 20 or 300, I can easily say 80-90% of mine, and I think ALL of my last 5-10 serious partners all came from OLD. People IRL, especially frequenting the dive bars I worked at, were't very much out there to get married.

I can open up tinder right now and go grab coffee with a match. I can also go to a coffee shop or bar or game alone and sit there for hours speaking to nobody because literally nobody in that shop is remotely interested in me Vs OLD where I know the person at least at some degree finds me attractive and we HAVE to interact with one another. I also absolutely would not sleep with bar patrons no matter how many passed me a number behind bar, that meme is kind of offensive to bartenders who take pride in their work and value their regulars/customers.

Like calling a massage therapist a masseuse.

[sublinear]

I'm admittedly biased because I definitely cannot pick up anyone online, but do well in person.

Online dating is working with limited information. Some people just look better than others when squinted at. I guess the low-res digital version of me is too unappealing.

IRL: "esto quod esse videris"

online: "adchay annaway ashsmay"

[wodenokoto]

> I have no idea if she's attracted to me, nor single, etc. I've probably spent thousands of hours casually talking to someone I may find interesting only to find out before they leave that they're either not interested or not single or not hetero, whatever.

Most of those _were_ interested, but decided you weren't a match.