I guess Tesla doesn't have dealerships, so technically it excludes the Model 3 (which does meet all other criteria).
Edit: He stealth-edited "doesn't stream video of me to someone else's computer" into the list, so I think the point of the comment is just, "I want an EV that's as good as a Tesla but isn't a Tesla."
And it will never be inventory, base models are never stocked. With the 1LT at $35K and the 2LT at $43K it seems clear that the $35K is just a teaser price and there will be lots of obstacles thrown up if you actually want the 1LT.
It's not available, probably won't be on a lot at my local dealer when it is, and if it is, it'll probably be marked up above sticker and only in higher trims. And it comes with a CCS socket on it, which will plug right into electrify america's junk or it needs some adapter to plug into Tesla's network. I'm not holding my breath.
Edit: He stealth-edited "doesn't stream video of me to someone else's computer" into the list, so I think the point of the comment is just, "I want an EV that's as good as a Tesla but isn't a Tesla."