[friend_and_foe]

I see the points you're making and largely agree, but I think people see people as objects generally speaking. If you live in a somewhat densely populated place, where a part of the environment you have to navigate day to day is people you don't know, you grow to see people this way, as obstacles or as useful, like a crab viewing another crab as a step up towards the top of a bucket. We tend to view people we don't know as simply forces on the world around us, traits of the environment, like a tree or a hill. Only when we get to know the individuals a bit can we even begin to see the person inside, until then they're just another face with unknown motives and drives behind it.

So yeah, people treat dating like a meat market. It's unfortunate, and it is exacerbated by cultural trends, but I generally think it is unavoidable for people who live in an environment with a lot of other people they're not immediately familiar with, which is a majority of us.

[sethrin]

The point I was making was not about objectification but about risk. I don't necessarily approve of objectification but I don't see it as a deciding factor in sexual success. Someone who sees other people as things to be used is probably not great, but someone who will react violently to being denied sex is a serious threat, particularly if they also happen to have physical advantages.

Any given day, hey, maybe I feel like being treated like a piece of meat, but thinking I owe you sex in exchange for your being "nice" or "cheerful" is dangerous.

[true_religion]

For most people, the angst isn’t even about having sex. The idea of having sex is a far off goal. They are simply trying to get to step one: dating. Or even step zero: reciprocal attraction.