Ask HN: How to know what you want to do for the rest of your life.

[sodiumtech]

I am in IT industry since 2015 and doing fine here. But since last 6 months I am getting the thoughts on regular basis that I dont belong here. Sometimes I am just so burnt out that I want to leave everything. I want to do something impactful but I am not sure what I like most and where I want to spend my rest of life. I am already 32.

Do you guys also face existential crisis and how can we really know where we want to spend our rest of life?

[keiferski]

One angle that I almost never see career-related posts talk about is what your daily life is like for various positions. Everyone tends to focus on the intellectual content of work, but rarely what the work environment is like, where you have to live, etc.

For example – the vast majority of tech jobs require one to sit at a desk in an office. There are ways around it, including remote jobs, standing desks, and walk pads, but basically if you're a tech worker, you're in a room staring at a screen for 6+ hours a day.

So, from this perspective, I would suggest thinking about what kind of day makes you happy and fulfilled. Is it one that involves talking to a lot of people? Walking around an urban area? Being alone in the forest? Put the intellectual content of what you're doing aside.

Personally, as much as I love tech stuff, I have grown to really dislike the default work environment. Being a bike messenger or a sailor, while having nearly zero relation to technology, seem like much more enjoyable professions on a day-to-day basis. This has led me to experimenting with various work "formats" that combine physical activity with computer work, ranging from take my laptop to a cafe to use a standing desk and exercise bicycle.

[austin-cheney]

Be extremely primitive in your thinking.

I thought I would love to be a programmer. I didn't start programming until I was 28. I loved programming. I loved building things and solving tough problems that saved me time or automated real world problems away.

It turns out I still love programming nearly 2 decades later, but not for work. I grew to loathe it. I had a deep passion for programming, but most of my peers did not. Most of my peers never really seemed to learn to program and so when presented with a tough problem all they knew was to find some tool or framework to do it for them.

So, moral of the story is dig deeper. Thinking about programming was not deep enough. I wanted to build things, so I should have started from that and looked for jobs where I would be building things, and programming in the corporate world typically is not that.

[codingdave]

I'm in my 50s and still don't know this answer. But that is OK. Your life will have different chapters, and there is nothing wrong with that. Do what works for now... change when it stops working.

[jgrahamc]

I am in my 50s. I couldn't answer that question without doubting my response.

[ensocode]

Why not taking a break if you are really burned out. I think it is a good thing that you feel that something is missing or wrong. That might be something other people ignore all the time. I wouldn't leave everything, maybe a holiday for some weeks could be enough. No reason to be extreme here. Use the time to breathe and think about what moves you inside. Listen to your gut feeling and think about ways to realistically implement your wishes in day to day life. Maybe a side hustle? What are you good at? What value can you bring to others? If it turns out that you have to leave everything for what you discovered, think of ways how to do it in real life. I like the fear setting concept [1] by Tim Ferriss. This helped me sometimes when I had doubts about implementing changes.

[1] https://mindfulambition.net/fear-setting-tim-ferriss/

[helph67]

“You never really know a man until you understand things from his point of view, until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird. J.B. Lippincott & Co., 1960 Quote above is from this blog which may inspire? https://www.planetofsuccess.com/blog/developing-empathy-walk...

[mikewarot]

If you want to make an impact, join a local community network. Your best shot at making positive changes is on the local level.

Work is what you do to pay the bills for your real life.

[solardev]

You don't. Change when it feels right. Stagnation is a good indicator that it's time to grow again. Just aim for something that sounds good for the next few years, not the rest of your life.

I'm 39 and in the same boat, going back to school to explore other options while working IT part time. I don't know if I've changed or the industry has or both, but it deels more wrong now than ever. Time to move on!

[rudasn]

You don't even know how long the rest of your life would be, or the circumstances of it, or what sort of person you will have become by then, or whomever you'd also have to or want to consider part of your life.

I feel the reasoning of your question but it sounds like the wrong question.

What don't you want to be doing tomorrow? Next week? Next year?

[082349872349872]

> "Do only what only you can do" — EWD

(but note this is easier for a theory person than a systems person, easier for academics than for practitioners, and easier for those who already have a unique skill set than for those who are still in the process of acquiring one)

[rmason]

Try using your coding skills to give back to your community. Consider starting a Code For America chapter in your local area if one doesn't exist. Writing software for your city or a local non-profit may give you the satisfaction you seek to make a real difference.

[genezeta]

> how can we really know where we want to spend our rest of life?

Yes, how can we indeed?

I mean, can we even know? It sounds almost like knowing the future. Because in a sense it is. Your life will change. It will change in ways you do not know yet. You will change it. Trying to figure out the rest of your life now sounds tempting, but it's mostly useless. Perhaps not completely, but mostly. Sometimes, you can figure out some stuff in advance, but I don't believe you can do so generally. You don't know the future.

But, on the other hand, do you need to? Because you can be impactful in various ways and many of them -most?- don't require figuring everything out now. Just try things and see how they go for you.

What I can tell you is that if you're really burnt out, then you should probably do something about that part. Should that mean "leaving everything"? Maybe. But more probably it can mean leaving some things and keeping some others. Maybe just changing employer, or maybe a different job in the same industry, or perhaps, yes, changing to a different industry. Or maybe make changes in the parts of your life outside work. I can't tell you what to do, obviously. But do consider all the options, not just the extremes of going on till you burn completely or leaving absolutely everything. I've seen that in many cases only seeing the extremes tends to block the person from making any change at all.

In any case, again, I can't tell you what to do. I'm just a stranger on the internet.

[purpleblue]

People change their careers on average 7 times. Don't be married to IT if you're miserable, try to find something you enjoy while being paid at it.

[potta_coffee]

I'm turning 40 and I'm super burnt out but I have a mortgage to pay. I really want to quit and do something different but I can't afford it.

[pawelduda]

I assume you didn't change your job based on what you wrote. So maybe your job burns you out, not your profession. Have you tried addressing that?

[sodiumtech]

Thanks for this perspective. I will think about it. its new. thanks

[hnthrowaway0328]

45 and couldn't figure that out either. I have family, work and kid so that's pretty much "everything" in modern Capitalism.

But I did figure out that there are two types of people. One figured out what they wanted to do in early life and went ahead to leave their names in history. The other didn't and perhaps never did.

There is not much one can do. If you are in the first camp you simply could not suppress the eagerness of going ahead and dive into what your destiny is, and if you are in the second then you simply could not figure out.

Just move on and figure out on the road. It's fine if you never figure that out. Most people thought they figure that out but they did not.

[sodiumtech]

Right these thoughts make me feel bad. I dont want to be from second group but i think i am from that group, at least till now.

[082349872349872]

No one asked to be born, and no one is obliged to "make their mark". In fact, staying out of the news, out of the hospital, and out of jail is not a bad rough set of goals.

As long as we're here, we might as well "Party on", "Be excellent to each other", and, in general, do our best to enjoy the situation until we're no longer.

(all tourists eventually leave; some just take longer than others)

[badpun]

99.9% of people are in that group. You're just normal, there's nothing wrong with that.

[p0d]

An 80yr old told me the third job is the good one.