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by BatmansMom
882 days ago
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Don't you want to be with a partner that "wants you to have everything" also? Even if we don't take that literally, I think a healthy relationship has both parties honestly sharing their desires with each other. If you "just do something to make your partner happy," knowing it makes you less happy, isn't that being dishonest? I just struggle to understand how you don't see the relationship as one sided if one person is making sacrifices for the other and that value isn't reciprocated. Or maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're trying to say. |
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But to pick on a specific word (perhaps not meant so specifically), I don't think reciprocation is necessary or optimal, though maybe it's sufficient. It's not a transaction or a deal; you help the other because you love them, not to get anything back. It doesn't have to be equal or balanced or 'fair', but both should see to it that their partner's needs are met - you still have needs. It's 'from each according to their ability, to each according to their need'. And abilties and needs will shift over the long term. One may need much more than the other. Sometimes one person will be much more able than the other. It will never balance out.
> If you "just do something to make your partner happy," knowing it makes you less happy, isn't that being dishonest?
If you mean that's all you are doing, then it sure isn't healthy (I suppose it could be honest if you are open about it with yourself and your partner). But do you make sacrifices like that? All the time, of course, with joy and love, and pride to be part of that relationship, and to know they do the same.
Anyway, that's one vision of a relationship, but I think it's a healthy one and I suspect some elements are pretty universal.