[theshackleford]

It depends on context really. Which as someone on the spectrum (childhood diagnosis, not adult) has always presented its challenges and its why I personally have erred on the side of caution. I would not personally approach a woman for instance in an instance in which she is engaged in her employment activities and im interacting as a customer/vendor/partner whatever. However it's not unfeasible that it is my feelings on the matter that are abnormal so perhaps i've been going about it all wrong.

I'd simply never want to make somebody feel uncomfortable because I choose a time that is not appropriate for such interactions. And for me, that pretty much means that unless we are sharing personal time together outside of such a relationship, then I don't engage in such activities.

[akoboldfrying]

Thanks for responding. I can certainly relate to feeling pressure not to upset other people, and even think that it's a healthy impulse to have, up to a point. (Certainly it's unhealthy to never feel it.) I don't think your feelings are abnormal -- to me they seem very much in agreement with current norms, in the US at least. But I would like you to think about whether the current socially decided notion of "what's appropriate" is as balanced and as good for everyone as it could be.

Social norms like this can and do change over time, and it's my opinion that this (specifically, that asking people out in a work environment is always or nearly always inappropriate) is one that should -- because I think there's an alternative set of norms that leaves essentially everyone better off. Specifically I think that if it was understood by everyone that a person asking another person out (in any context, including at work) is responsible for dealing with rejection like an adult and not continuing to pester the person, then (absent any power difference that might imply a quid pro quo situation), there would be no reason to forbid it. Most people would still hesitate to do it (asking someone out can result in rejection, rejection is embarrassing), but the kind of scenario described by Martinussen in https://news.ycombinator.com/threads?id=akoboldfrying#389248..., where an employee fears for their job if they don't pander to an entitled customer, won't occur.

Interested in your thoughts.

[theshackleford]

> But I would like you to think about whether the current socially decided notion of "what's appropriate" is as balanced and as good for everyone as it could be.

I never do well with these really I think because I often have both extreme, yet very conflicting positions on almost everything. But sure.

> I think that if it was understood by everyone that a person asking another person out (in any context, including at work) is responsible for dealing with rejection like an adult and not continuing to pester the person, then (absent any power difference that might imply a quid pro quo situation), there would be no reason to forbid it.

I would say in an ideal world, realistically, yes. Despite the suggestion my post my have originally given. It was probably too flippant, for which I apologise honestly.

[akoboldfrying]

I appreciate that, thanks!

The next time I'm in an internet argument that seems to be escalating, I hope I will remember these last couple of comments of yours, and be as willing to reconsider my own position as you have been.