[looneytoon]

A couple years back my friends needed to drag me to the hospital after I flung far off the rails following about a week-long acid and coke bender preceded by a month or two of frequent mushroom trips. I was fully manic/psychotic and hadn't slept for days. I know that an opiate OD is a totally different animal but I can relate to your feelings of guilt/shame and the social fallout with people looking at you differently. Where you are now just sucks because not only do you feel at your lowest, but suddenly there's a distance in your relationships - your loved ones are concerned for you but may not necessarily know how to help - so just kicking back with your friends or family to take your mind off of it and cheer yourself up feels like its off the table. It can be very isolating.

I don't know if I have any great advice - it mostly took me time and space to heal - so patience and grit helped me most. Seeking a sense of connection to those who've experienced similar can help of course, too. There'll likely come times when you feel like you're bottoming out and its important to not use to try to pull yourself out of it. Gradually, people in my life looked at me like I was me again, and some of my closest friends never treated me any differently. Months later, someone might ask me how I was with an emphatic, concerned expression and it would annoy me since I just wanted to move on but I'd learn to let it go and recognize it as love and not pity.

Leading up to my spiraling out, substances (weed and booze in addition to the psychedelics) creeped their way into being the highlight in my life and I'd cycle them to avoid feeling like any given one of them was a problem. On the surface my life looked good - career, travel, hobbies, etc. - but I felt empty most of the time and nothing felt as compelling as getting blasted. I'm not sober but I dialed it way back and abstain from everything for long periods of time. I found Gabor Mate's talks/interviews on addiction on Youtube helpful as well as the book Running on Empty by Dr. Jonice Webb.