Ask HN: Parents, what's your iPad policy with your young kids?

[leethomas]

I'm having my first kid soon and I'm torn on how to/when to introduce them to iPads.

On one hand, I see kids throw complete tantrums out in public until their parents give them their iPads, and I don't want that for our kids. My parents didn't let me use my gameboy at the dinner table, for example- but I see that happening all the time at restaurants where if the parents deny the kid their iPad they'll start crying or screaming at dinner.

I'm torn because on one hand I want to encourage curiosity and allow for the educational usage of them, but on the other I'm concerned about what it will do to their attention spans and ability to cope with life and their emotions without it.

Parents of HN, do you let your kids use an iPad? At what age? How often? For what purpose? No matter your answer, how do you feel that has turned out for you and your family?

[komposit]

We have a no ipad policy around our house. I have khan academy kids on my phone and i use this in the rare occasions my son really needs to be kept busy for a while. We even stopped tv entirely for a while. Made the house a much calmer place.

You see, screens are really great at capturing kids attention and it will give you a moment of peace, but you pay the price the moment you want to turn the tv off to leave the house/eat dinner.

The worst part of it is that screens allow you to be emotionally quite detached from each other.

I think the educational value of an ipad is also very much exagerated. Learning for young children is really a full body experience and i dont think an ipad is a value add until much later in life (possibly never).

That said, parenting is not something you figure out before you start really. Kids will grow, you will grow and the balance will constantly shift. The most important thing is giving your children plenty of thoughtful attention throughout life..

[ACow_Adonis]

An ipad or otherwise, whatever your policy, doesn't negate parenting.

Crying or screaming to get your way because they don't recieve something isn't acceptable behaviour, so you shouldn't reinforce negative conditioning.

if the child wants the ipad at the table that's up to the parent. taking a small child to a restaurant without things to entertain the child, especially if the adults are talking is not really fair on the kids, and honestly with kids you should be considerate of their feelings and perspective even if they also have to do adult things or make concessions to the adult world. in the same way don't take and put them in unfair situations like a restaurant dinner for 2 hours and expect them to sit there happy.

i wanted less screen time for ours, then the pandemic happened and everyone stopped handling cash and i needed my phone with me everywhere and everything runs thorough an app. kid sees phone and we're not going to be hypocrites and we regularly use it for 15 mins of sanity breaks. we recently introduced an ipad at about 3 or 4? though of course we still control and monitor everything on both phones or ipads. so no YouTube and only apps we vet: there's some good painting, learning and science/ natural world apps. And time and place is of course up to us.

honestly it's fine. he'll often grab it and come into bed with us for half an hour in the morning since he wakes up earlier than us, i have no problem with that (except having to hear some of the games while trying to sleep). he usually gets bored and moves on after a bit and we get up.

i don't find any evidence that ipad or screen use is correlated with temperament or behaviour. if it exists as a substitute for parenting or teaching behaviour and self control it'll be bad. if it doesn't it's fine imo. and like all things in moderation. whether by design or circumstance we don't use it just before bedtime, so of course there's lots of sensible rules and habits to instil and do with screens and electronics just as with all things.

[trealira]

Not a parent, but I think this may be still substantial.

I was given a tablet when I was around 12 years old, and a mobile phone around 14 or 15 years old. I had no internet restrictions, and no time limits. As a kid, I had used the family desktop computer sometimes, and used a Nintendo DS sometimes, but it really wasn't the same.

Even being given access at such a late age compared to toddlers with iPads, I still think it killed my attention span and willpower to resist short-term temptation. I wasted a lot of time browsing stuff on social media and YouTube, and I'm still dealing with it today.

I think, regardless of what age you let your kids use it, you'll have to communicate to them somehow the importance of responsible usage. It's like alcohol, I think.

[PakG1]

It's not just you. There's now a lot of data that provides evidence for the link between screen usage and lack of focus. It's why my wife and I are so extreme in not letting our kid see screens. Your parents probably unfortunately had you at a time when you would be Patient Zero and nobody could know what the effects would be. But now we know. :(

[PakG1]

My kid is turning 3 next month. We never give her screens to look at. We don't even have a TV at home. Sometimes there are TVs at restaurants, but that's unavoidable, and they stay there. We of course have laptops, tablets, and mobile phones, but the kid never gets them. The only time she looks at a tablet is on a high desk when we're doing family exercises together while watching an exercise video, or if there are no options to draw, she sometimes can draw using her finger on the Notes app.

It's extreme, but we're going to keep going this way for as long as possible. She's fine in the car, she sings gibberish, looks out the window, and I'm not sure what else, but she's obviously doing something while I drive. We sometimes have a conversation.

There were times when she would scream a lot in the car, but it was always because she was cranky because she hadn't napped yet. Driving somewhere was actually a great trick for getting her to nap. At restaurants, she likes scribbling with crayons on paper when the restaurant has that, or she likes walking around with me and exploring the restaurant while we wait for food. Or she just crawls all over her chair, the bench, etc. We also bring some children's books with us, she loves flipping through them and looking at the pictures. But she usually doesn't need the books.

This probably doesn't work for every kid. But for my kid, I've developed the theory that if she never really experiences using a tablet, phone, etc, her mind can be imaginative enough to entertain herself in other ways.

Heck, it worked for me when I was that age, I'm sure; tablets sure didn't exist back then! Gonna keep this going for as long as we can. I refused to get a cell phone when I was in undergrad for pete's sake. Times sure have changed. I imagine that as soon as she normalizes using any kind of screen, she'll want it nonstop. The hope is that by the time we can't avoid it anymore, her brain will have developed enough to be able to self-regulate with our guidance.

[RobinL]

My son (5) gets 5 minutes screen time if he does reading practice. In practice he sometimes up to 10. He's allowed this up to about three times a day if he wants

He is allowed to play reading and maths games, but only when I'm sitting with him.

We also occasionally allow him 5-10 mins of games (aquarium, colouring in) simply for our convenience such as when dining in restaurants (a rarity since 2 little kids is not conducive to eating out.

With all that said, I think the screen time itself is less important than what they're doing and with who. E.g. the worst form is things like unrestricted access to ad-infested YouTube, the best is sitting with your kid talking about an app or an interesting video

[chomp]

I have 2 kids, 4 and 6. They both have unlimited access to their tablets. The tablets are rooted fire tablets and they only have access to abcmouse, or PBS kids videos/games.

They probably pick up the tablets for an hour at most per day. Probably will have to set parental controls for the skinner box apps as they get older, but they seem to be doing fine for now.

[NoMoreNicksLeft]

18 is too soon, but you won't be able to stop them because they're considered legal adults.

More seriously, even if I wanted them glued to a computer screen, I'd at least make them learn to use a keyboard and mouse. Electronics uses who are completely clueless how to do anything useful with a computer are a plague upon mankind.

[neilv]

Not currently a parent, but a more general concept is "screen time":

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Screen_time

(I'm not sure how I'd manage screen time rules, given that not all screen time has the same pros&cons.)

[bartvk]

My ten year old gets an hour or so per day. On weekends, an hour after lunch, and another hour in the evening. But if she’s deep into some game, she gets half an hour extra.

I spend far, far more time on my laptop and Xbox. These limits for kids feel incredibly hypocritical to me.

[latortuga]

I don't disagree with you but I think the right response to this kind of reflection is to set the same limits for yourself, not to let the kids have "far, far more time." I struggle with this myself.

[soperj]

We do 30 minutes of screen time on the weekends + a Saturday night family movie. That's it. We don't get asked to play on an ipad because of the rules that are in place. We don't bring an ipad with us. We do let up on that on plane rides.

[SvenL]

Our policy is that they can only watch things on iPad if we need them to be quiet/focused - i.e car rides, airplane flights or if they need to inhale NaCl (when sick).

[rspoerri]

I'm thinking about that as well. My one year old girl of course has no screen time at all, but she sees us using it and is already interested in the device. We sometimes let her play with it when it's turned off. We also have no tv, only a beamer we can use when she's sleeping or away. Maybe once or twice a week we watch news on an ipad during lunch or supper with her at the table.

I am planning to only introduce screen based devices after several years. First would be offline media like comics, later maybe videos. Access to the internet should be highly regulated, i am myself disgusted by what i see on (a-)social media. So when she's gonna use it i will block all social media for my whole network for a long time. I myself have stopped using it ages ago and i have to get my partner to accept that. But i think there is a huge difference between getting data from the internet and social media. Also playing a game might be a thing, but _never ever_ a free to play game, they are the worst and only live off the addiction they are creating in the early game time.

The only device i'd like to give to her pretty early is a ebook reader, but i dont really think she's gonna love it ;-) Lets see whether i will be able to get her reading early on.

[ryanabyrne]

I have a 4 and 2 year old - they do not know what an ipad is - you may be over worrying / over thinking it.