[qup]

I had to submit an essay to my father, at 16, about why I should be allowed to use a computer more than an hour per day.

The essay won, but my father began talking about me while I was at the computer, saying I was a zombie who wasn't part of the family anymore.

I was learning to code. I built a bunch of websites, and some projects and schemes that earned me fairly serious money in high school. I learned VB6, html, a little perl, and php, on my own, with no mentor, and an active booing.

I'm not sure my dad has ever seen or visited a website I've built (dozens, maybe over 100). I even have bespoke code deployed right now, serving him, that he does not know exists.

I still don't know why he tried to stand in my way all the time. I often think about where I'd be if I had an active supporter, like many kids have.

[norir]

I can't speak for your father of course, but I do think he likely had a valid concern that he may not have effectively communicated that all of this time with the computer was directly at the expense of time spent with the family. He may have felt hurt that you seemed to prefer the company of a machine to his and the rest of your family. He and you may also have very different conceptions of what a successful/happy life might look like. I'm not saying he's right, but from the outside I can imagine why he might not have felt supportive and also why you might feel resentful for the lack of support.

Have you directly asked him why he wasn't supportive? Have you been open to his perspective or just assume that you're right and he's wrong? It's easy for us programmer types to try and simulate the mind states of others to avoid difficult conversations (speaking for myself of course).

[CTDOCodebases]

> I still don't know why he tried to stand in my way all the time. I often think about where I'd be if I had an active supporter, like many kids have.

He was probably concerned about your familiar relationships. All relationships have an element of reciprocity. Plus he probably just missed you.

In your situation it sounds like he could have benefited by being a bit more curious and accepting.

IMHO as a parent rejecting the authencity of a child cancels out all the loving things you do because then you are not loving the child. You are loving an imaginary version of the child that only exists in your own head.

[bossyTeacher]

> IMHO as a parent rejecting the authencity of a child cancels out all the loving things you do because then you are not loving the child. You are loving an imaginary version of the child that only exists in your own head.

sooo many parents are guilty of this. Living through your child is unhealthy

[hutzlibu]

"I still don't know why he tried to stand in my way all the time"

Maybe he did not try to stand in your way, but was simply worried:

"saying I was a zombie who wasn't part of the family anymore."

[roland35]

Yup I see my son enjoying time on the tablet and teaching himself scratch which is great... But it clearly has an effect on his emotional state and overall quality of life if he spends too much time on it. We try and keep things balanced - he has plenty of time to do more programming in his life!

[justinclift]

Some people (even to this day) just equate computer usage with goofing off. :(

Doesn't matter if you're a highly paid IT professional, if they see you using a computer they assume you're being slack and have suggestions (repeatedly) on better uses for your time.

Yep, this can be very frustrating.

[bossyTeacher]

> with no mentor

I don't think most programmers had any, in the age of 'everyone can code' it might be different but back then, you just read a book