[tgittos]

Sibling comments are mentioning undiagnosed ADD (or ADHD), I'd like to float the possibility of undiagnosed depression. The "I can't get disciplined and I'm desperate. It's hurting my job, it's hurting my home life." comment drives it home for me.

Has it always been this way for you? Do you also have problems focusing on things you enjoy?

I've experienced many of the symptoms you list for almost my entire life. I started seeing a therapist about 5 years ago and I've come to realize much of my "laziness" was actually depression. It's hard to be motivated to do the responsible things you need to do to live a life if you can't even be motivated to do fun things you actually enjoy.

You can't "fix" this alone - you're too close to the problem (and there is one, it's affecting your work and home life) to see what's wrong.

[koube]

It has always been this way. Actually most of my teachers through elementary and middle school have asked that I be evaluated for ADD (before the H was added), although we didn't really see a point to it since I would just be going back to the same doctor who had already ruled out ADD.

I can play video games for 12 hours straight and forget to eat, so I guess I don't have problems focusing on things I enjoy, at the same time I feel like I hear about depressed people playing video games 12 hours a day.

I also start learning a new programming language or framework every month it seems, without retaining anything about the previous month's language/framework, but for the first couple of weeks it really holds my attention.

Seeing a therapist has been on my todo list for a while (but have been having trouble actually getting to it). I'll try to get that in soon.

[tgittos]

I have been unofficially diagnosed with ADD (specifically without the H). My psych and I decided not to diagnose because I have coping skills and habits that prevent it from interfering too much with my life, and the long term implications of an official diagnosis in the US outweighed the improvement in my symptoms if I were medicated. I have also been officially diagnosed with MDD or whatever they call it today. Depression can display similar symptoms to ADD, and it is possible to have both which is fun for diagnosis.

I probably should have been more specific about "things you enjoy". Video games are a special case where the depressed use them as an escape, for a sense of control over their lives, and a sense of growth where there is no growth. I consider that different from hobbies - things that improve you, things that take work that you enjoy. It'd be different if you were skipping meals to finish building a model plane, but with video games you're skipping meals to prevent yourself from returning to your life.

The ADD on learning stuff resonates with me. I experienced the same thing and for myself it turned out to be a coping mechanism for depression. The jolt of dopamine I got whilst learning was compensating for a general feeling of ennui. Since being diagnosed and medicated for depression, I've found my ability to focus and stick with things long term has vastly improved, despite also having ADD.

I'd highly recommend a therapist even though the experience will most likely be frustrating to start with. Aside from the difficulty in finding one that's available, you also need to find one that you like and whose style and techniques work for you. Don't give up on the concept of therapy if your first few experiences don't feel like they work.

I've been seeing my therapist for about 4 years now and while I don't believe you're ever done with therapy, I do believe that I'm working on the fundamentals of what made me feel bad enough to seek out a therapist in the first place and that I've "debugged" most of my issues.