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by catharsisatlast
927 days ago
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Five years ago, I was in a car accident. Although the other driver was at fault and there were no medical expenses, I haven't been able to get my life back on track since. At the end of this month, I will be homeless. It looked like I was going to be able to pull it off on my own originally, but it was going to take a year and every waking moment of every day was going to suck in the meantime. I was right about it sucking, but I was wrong about pulling it off. I had finally breathed a sigh of relief the weekend before Christmas Eve in 2019 since it looked like I was actually going to make it and it was only a matter of another month or two. I hadn't allowed myself to attach hopes to anything less than concrete at that point. COVID really screwed that up, and I got reset to zero. I've been barely holding it together since then. Five years of working sh jobs for even worse people who know they have you and delight in it--even more than they value their own bottom line. Now I don't even have a job; it's been a month since my last paycheck and no more are coming. I look young and inexperienced and give the impression that I'm healthy enough financially/circumstantially to be able to absorb whatever shocks I might incur from others shifting onto me the things that they'd prefer for someone else to bear instead of them. But none of those things are true. People in Austin almost seem disappointed when they peg you for a slacker but it turns out you're not one, like you're doing something wrong. I'll spend whole days looking for jobs from whomever might take me, including bad ones, with nothing to show for it. Once I write down my professional experience or we talk, anyone with a brain can tell I'm at the wrong place--I should be working somewhere that's a good job. Good jobs take 6 weeks to 6 months, but I don't have that, and I don't have the environmental stability to make it through the process, anyway, as far as take home assignments and clear, distraction-free thinking go. I can't even start to work out how I'm going to wash the last 5 years off my resume. |
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"Once I write down my professional experience or we talk, anyone with a brain can tell I'm at the wrong place--I should be working somewhere that's a good job."
The idea being that this sentiment is either stated explicitly by the other person during the interview, or it comes across in tone. I'm not saying or thinking anything like this. I don't feel like I'm owed a "good job". (I do feel entitled to dignity, on the other hand.)
I have been told outright to dumb down my resume and that I'm obviously overqualified. Anyone paying attention can pick up on the clues that I "shouldn't" be there, that it's only a temporary accident that I'm even available, and they're understandably hesitant to say "yes" if they feel they're just going to be back in the same situation looking for another worker shortly down the road, once I get back on my feet. They'd rather take a chance on a so-so worker who's not exactly reliable and is somewhat irresponsible if it means there's a chance that person will be around for an expected 2 or 3 years, rather than me, the wildcard. That leaves the people who aren't able to put things together. Accordingly, working for these people is generally miserable either by accident or takes a turn to being exploitative or abusive by intent (because "the cruelty is the point").