[sleeplessworld]

You may have reached a core existential struggle. This is in my experience fundamental to existence: does existence itself make up for the pain and adversity of the world? The spiritual struggle is in many ways to accept that life in this world has pain, struggle and adversity, but that this is a learning experience. But I guess this requires a spiritual look at things. Cause without this, I also think things look pretty bad... but if it is a spiritual quest, then there is light at the far end of the tunnel.