[chmod775]

Where I come from that means you can adopt a looser style as well, and don't need to bother writing formally with that person. It's considered "friendly".

In fact in German it would be really awkward if one person stuck to formal language when the other makes an attempt to be informal - sticking to it is like saying "keep your distance" and could be a little hurtful for the person who tried to be informal.

I'm curious how this is supposed to play out in English.

[upon_drumhead]

About 5 years ago, my CEO emailed me with something like 'yo! can you do me a favor'. Middle management was CCed on the email thread and when I responded something like 'Sure! Happy to help', I was chewed out by my director for being informal and thus disrespectful...

[jyunwai]

That is an excessive response by the director. I wonder if the CEO would have approved of the director's comment if you emailed an apology to the CEO, identifying that the director made the comment ("I apologize for the excessive informal language in my email, as noted by Director X; I look forward to completing the assignment."), as the CEO may have deliberately been trying to create an environment where seniors are more approachable.

In any case, I try to always write in full sentences for professional communications as a minimum (even if there are sprinkles of informal language)—I'm more comfortable writing this way at work, and it has the added benefit that it's hard for a third party to make a similar comment like you've experienced.

(At the other end, it can also be seen as too stiff and uncomfortable to be overly formal, even to supervisors. I've seen this where I had a direct report who was excessively formal at first. By encouraging him to open up and speak more openly, I believe that created a foundation for a more trusting work environment over time, which encouraged him to take more initiative and share his ideas when solving some problems that we were later facing as a team.)

[jyunwai]

A mismatch in formality is noticeable too in English, from my experience. It think it's a bit more subtle compared to other languages, as there is no formal "you" (in contrast to "du" versus Sie" in German, "tu" and "vous" in French, "tú" and "usted" in Spanish, "你" and "您" in Mandarin, and examples in other languages).

However, one difference in English is with greetings. If you are coworkers, especially at around the same age and seniority, it feels unnatural to say "Dear ___," versus "Hey ____" or "Hi ____" (experiences may vary based on organizational culture). It's noticeable with texting, too. If you were to use formal punctation and end all texts with a period (such as: "Hi." or "I'm fine."), the texts may be perceived as less friendly (in contrast to: "hi" or "no prob, it's all good").

I believe that informality in English communication is often a signal of how close the relationship is. Though some people speak with others with a high level of formality even in their close relationships (or alternatively, speak informally in nearly all contexts), a change over time from formality to informality is often a sign of growing closeness and trust. Long story short, this plays out the same as you've described the effect in English, at least for personal relationships.

For professional relationships, it depends on the person and the organization. I generally try to roughly mirror the level of formality of the person who I'm speaking with. However, if I'm reporting to a person with higher seniority than me, I do try to have at least a minimum level of formality. Even if a CEO were to send a text in a very friendly and informal way, I would try to be polite but at least semi-formal.

More explicitly, the Korean language makes the different possible levels of speech clearer. This source [1] identifies five to six levels of formality in Korean (Wikipedia identifies a higher seventh level reserved for historical dramas, addressing royalty, and religious texts). So, even if a coworker were to address me with the Korean equivalent of "plain" or "intimate" speech ("heya {name}", all in lower case), I've found it the most comfortable to respond in at least a familiar or polite way ("hey {Name}..." or "Hey {Name}"...).

That way, there is both a sense of respect and a sense that there is an attempt to match the person's level of familiarity. There is then less of a chance that a person might feel uneasy due to either too much familiarity or excessive formality on my part, which makes communications easier.

[1] https://socialsci.libretexts.org/Bookshelves/Anthropology/Li...

[chmod775]

That was a more in-depth response than I could have possibly hoped for. Thank you!

[stranded22]

Very interesting take, thank you