[sidlls]

The character/modes of rejection have gone from maybe mortifying titters/giggles amongst the friends of the person being hit on to the potential of literally having one's shame splayed across the internet for all to see. Perhaps with embellishments about how creepy or clueless they were, etc.

There are a ton more unwritten/unspoken rules about this now, it seems, than even a decade or two ago. Rules about when/where it's okay to hit on someone, what is permissible to say, etc. And these rules seem to change from person to person: so one never knows what they actually are.

[slothtrop]

> The character/modes of rejection have gone from maybe mortifying titters/giggles amongst the friends of the person being hit on to the potential of literally having one's shame splayed across the internet for all to see. Perhaps with embellishments about how creepy or clueless they were, etc.

That can still happen using an app. You just won't be standing there to see it. Speaking of which, why would one even ask a girl in front of their friends if one can't handle the inevitable giggling? If you see them often enough to spark your interest, then you'll find a better opportunity to ask then to make a show of it.

[sidlls]

I agree with you on that point about the gigles, as that's always (in my lifetime) been a risk. It's the other stuff--the "canceling" effect of social media posts--that has changed things. Risking laughter from the person of interest or their friends is one thing; risking a potentially life-changing social media blitz is entirely different.

[slothtrop]

I'm not sure what you mean exactly, that asking someone out on a date poses the risk of being "cancelled" for it? That doesn't make much sense to me, but one way to avoid such a ridiculous reaction is to suss out whether the girl you're interested is batshit insane.

I've never solicited a complete stranger except at a bar. Basically every time I've gone on a date with someone I've met out-in-the-world, I had the chance to talk to them about something then ask if they want coffee, or whatever. On campus you eventually get this opportunity through colleagues. You make a few friends and then have friends, and if you show up to stuff the chances are always there.

I think a lot of anxiety comes from the idea that one is meant to confront people on-sight at inappropriate moments. One shouldn't do that, nor is it even necessary to be successful.

[bitwize]

Furthermore, under federal Title IX regulations, if you are accused of rape or sexual assault the college is required to adjudicate your case using a preponderance of evidence standard. You face expulsion and utter loss of professional reputation if your accuser can convince an administrative panel that you assaulted them. The administration can impose arbitrary obstacles including preventing you from retaining counsel, confronting your accuser or even knowing their name, or submitting evidence in your defense. The Trump administration overturned these rules but I believe they were reinstated under Biden.

Best thing to do in college is keep your hands or other body parts to yourself. You don't need to be worried about getting laid while you have studies to focus on.