[ikjasdlk2234]

> For example, when I got a new boss and all the underlings went to them and start chatting about the boss's favorite sports teams and hobbies to get on their good side. I refused to do that. I'll be friendly, like any other new hire.

I don't know if I would consider this to be only getting on their good side. In many cases, if I am going to spend a significant amount of my life working with someone, I do want to get to know a bit about them and that includes their hobbies and interests outside of work. To me, that is being friendly and I also do that with new hires.

[Ographer]

I have second guessed myself for years over this.

When we went to get drinks the first week, he told a co-worker that his wife is into horseback barrel racing. I saw some common ground and said how I used to do barrel racing when I was a kid and how it's a cool sport. He looked at me funny and said, "heh, I find that hard to picture/believe" or something like that.

In every interaction, I felt like I was being put down. Maybe he thought that criticizing everything I did was going to make me try harder, or suck up more, but for me it did the opposite. Encouragement is what makes me try harder.

I also had my own internal bias. I was the nerdy city slicker and he was the tough ex-military, country guy. I think we both projected stereotypes on each other.

I know I didn't do myself any favors with my behavior, but I continued out of principle.

[ikjasdlk2234]

Anyone who is putting you down for being genuinely interested is not someone worth your time. Sorry you had to go through that.

A good manager will find ways to communicate with each individual, usually in an individualized fashion (I say this as an ex-military, but nerdy city slicker guy). Sometimes it takes me a few tries to figure it out for everyone, but it's been helpful to connect with everyone on my team and even outside collaborators.