[wpietri]

Yeah, I think of this as the locker room effect. If you're not used to it, undressing in a locker room can feel scary. You're naked! But once you get used to it, you realize everybody is naked and it's fine.

But that's conditional on everybody not being jerks. Anybody who tries to score points by pointing out weaknesses is toxic to open and honest collaboration.

[oooyay]

Scary I think is one thing, and I certainly think some people feel exactly this. Other folks I think struggle with maintaining this very direct but neutral voice that works well in pair programming. One that reflects curiosity, scrupulousness, and empathy all in one voice. Others I think struggle with the idea that it's more difficult to control the image people see when they're so rawly exposed to people.

[sanderjd]

Yeah my problem is more similar to this. I get impatient pretty often, and I worry that I seem impatient, and that it makes the person I'm pairing with anxious about me rushing them, and then whether they're actually anxious about that or not, I'm still anxious about trying not to be impatient or at least not seem like I am.

This is a totally personal problem, and I've had pretty long successful periods of my career that I've pair programmed most hours of most days, and I do think it's a technique with a lot of advantages, but it really isn't my favorite thing to do because of this kind of dynamic.

[geraldhh]

> Anybody who tries to score points by pointing out weaknesses is toxic to open and honest collaboration.

probably well intended, but no.

[ttymck]

You might want to elaborate

[medstrom]

S/he probably means you should be able to point out weaknesses. But that's another thing from doing it in a scoring-points way.

[geraldhh]

yea, pointing out weakness cannot be discouraged or you create a race to the bottom in the name of being nice. the "scoring points" thing is subjective to the group and is mostly equivalent to "don't be a jerk".