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by YeahSureWhyNot
973 days ago
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I have this problem and in my case it started before I moved to United States. I went to same school when I was a kid until age of 12. Then I went to a private high school in a different town where studied for 5 years and it felt like I made a lot of friends there. After that I went to college in a different country and studied there for 6 years where I also made a ton of friends. Then in my mid twenties I moved to United States and initially it felt like I had made a lot of friends during my first few years in the States but pretty much nobody from my college or high school years were in touch with me by then. After I got married, it felt like I lost most of my friends that I had made. Being married was very lonely and I got divorced and moved to another state. I worked at different places and had normal relationships with people but after I switch jobs I noticed that nobody stays in touch. I'm getting closer to my 40s and I am thinking a lot about this problem that apparently I have but I can't point out what am I doing wrong. I am not rude to anyone and don't have bad habits or other negative things that are obvious to me but I do wonder what is the cause of this. |
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It's much easier to lose friends then gain them. So as people marry, have kids, move, keeping the close allyship becomes more difficult.
The kinds of activities most US 30+ adults are open to are relatively small and easily prone to be disrupted. For example, I might invite someone to watch a basketball game, but it will take a fairly long time for that kind of contact to blossom into a strong friendship. Moving just resets everything.
Also consider I would never call up a coworker I might have known for years and invite to something more personal, like a ski vacation. If I was in college, I wouldn't think twice about doing that with someone I didn't even know that well.