[wincy]

I live in the USA and we picked our neighborhood specifically because of these things.

My kid has been going to her friend’s houses by herself since she was 5. She goes down the block (sometimes a couple of blocks! Friends of friends) to her friend’s houses. I feel like we changed the culture in the neighborhood. Kids come out and go to our house and other houses all the time. It’s a good, safe neighborhood.

Of course it just takes a few people to screw this up. Some busybody lady who felt the need to tell us she was a foster mom (okay? Maybe trying to signal what a moral person and upstanding person she was?) called CPS on us saying we were “neglecting” our child which meant a visit to verify we were not abandoning our child on the street. She later lost her job and had to move away, let me tell you I was very sad to hear it. To avoid such spurious accusations, we got our daughter an Apple Watch with cellular service, which we generally use to call her when it gets dark out.

She’s eight now, and went to Walmart by herself earlier this year several times on her bike to buy a few things. I was very proud of her!

This is extremely important to us that she be able to have this autonomy. It’s definitely not the default, though. There are a half dozen or more kids that regularly dip in and out of our house. It’s sad that some parents absolutely don’t allow their children out of their sight. There are kids just next door my daughter basically never sees because they aren’t allowed to leave their houses, despite being the same age as my kid.

[jrnichols]

> Some busybody lady

It does seem that women are by far the biggest offenders in this space. They're also the biggest consumers of murder/mystery and true crime podcasts & media.

I wonder if any studies have looked into why women are reacting like this more and more.

[gobeavs]

What about the neighborhood made you choose it?

I'd like that sort of neighborhood as well, but other than sidewalks and perhaps a nearby park it seems difficult to gauge character like that until you live there. And there are lots of neighborhoods that have the objective basics (sidewalks, low crime, etc).

[wincy]

You know hindsight is 20/20, I may be puffing up how much “research” we did. There was a lady having a garage sale with some kids the day we looked at houses, my daughter now plays at that house almost every day, we drove around the neighborhood once or twice and saw kids playing outside, we knew the city was one of the safest around. It was the most expensive house we could “afford” (not really) at 30 after our first daughter had been born. The other candidate house was in an older neighborhood and we watched someone being arrested at the gas station down the street, which turned us off to the place.

It is still US suburbia, but as I said it’s an “if you build it, they will come” type situation and during the summertime we see kids (early tweens) with electric scooters or electric bikes going by themselves or with small groups of friends to the shops nearby (stuff being close enough to do this, although walking is maybe a little bit of a trek). Twenty years ago when it was built, this house wouldn’t have had all the accommodations nearby, as they’ve been built since.

I do think that us taking a principled stand on “we will not be bullied, and it is a goal for our kid to be able to be independent in the neighborhood” has helped. I know 100% the Indian girl down the street’s mother initially had a rule she couldn’t go play but she said “but mom, the girl down the street can go everywhere!” and now she’s out playing almost every day. All the kids have the “be home by dark” rule. It’s also astounding how diverse the neighborhood is, her friends are mostly first or second generation Americans with professional parents, from India, Argentina, Mexico, and Vietnam. It’s really great to see all the girls becoming good friends.

[qball]

>Of course it just takes a few people to screw this up.

The root of the vast majority of modern problems is hysterics/heckler's veto/concern trolling backed by state power.

[tarboreus]

Good for you. I wish everyone were like this. Waiting for the birth of my daughter next month and worried about this chance in the culture.