[sarchertech]

"Morning Stand-up Meetings: Instead of traditional stand-ups, engineers log into their systems and provide a brief update by sending a short voice message. EMAI processes these updates, analyzing voice tones for stress or uncertainty, ensuring it can provide resources or assistance if an engineer faces challenges.

Task Allocation: Using real-time data on each engineer's strengths, past performance, learning curve, and even their preferred working hours, EMAI allocates tasks from the backlog. It uses predictive modeling to optimize for both efficiency and team satisfaction.

Conflict Resolution: If two engineers have a disagreement or are blocked by each other, EMAI steps in. Using its vast knowledge base and understanding of human psychology (aided by its training data), it mediates discussions, ensuring a harmonious team environment.

Training & Upgradation: EMAI monitors the latest tech trends. If a new tool or technology emerges in the market, it identifies which team members would benefit most from training and automatically schedules online courses or tutorials for them.

End-of-Day Reports: Every team member receives a personalized report detailing their accomplishments, areas of improvement, and resources for further learning. These reports aren't just data-driven and include motivational feedback designed to boost morale and foster continuous learning."

It'll be a cold day in hell before I work 5 minutes under those conditions.

[gs17]

>Task Allocation: Using real-time data on each engineer's strengths, past performance, learning curve, and even their preferred working hours, EMAI allocates tasks from the backlog. It uses predictive modeling to optimize for both efficiency and team satisfaction.

I feel like there's a Dilbert (pre-cancellation) strip in this with the AI ending up assigning everyone no work because everyone's "preferred working hours" are no hours and getting paid to do nothing leads to the most team satisfaction.

[TheNewsIsHere]

What is the opposite of malicious compliance?

Gleeful acquiescence?

“Well, Manager AI said we didn’t have to do work anymore. I’m not the sort to be insubordinate.”

[throwaway914]

It occurs to me that things will stay the same, or even get better. This thing will produce better liars. We're used to lying to our managers to get the support we want, and now we'll have an easier time with EMAI. Further, if you want less stress you'll pretend to have a deficiency and get lighter work allocated.

In 2.0 they'll catch on and implement performance improvement plans that lead to separation.

If I try to pretend this thing has good intentions at heart, I think it'd be great for some folks to improve based on AI recommendations where they can shed their ego. Harder to do in front of a project manager.

I would expect AI regulation to speed up real quick if it starts making middle management redundant :-)

[JohnFen]

> We're used to lying to our managers to get the support we want

Wait, we are??

[throwaway914]

The support we want vs the support we need.

Some supervisors are good at determining what resources you need, most are not.

[stavros]

When are you going to quit? When your manager starts using ChatGPT to summarize your review? When they start using it to automatically flag your async standup messages for signs of frustration? When they use it to prioritize tasks?

It's going to be a very slow burn (if you aren't just replaced with an AI), and no point will seem worth quitting over, until you're managed by the AI.

[sarchertech]

If that was necessarily true, companies could get away with literally anything by doing it slowly.

It's not true though because unlike frogs, humans are capable of making judgments based on the first and second derivatives.

[clnq]

Once LLMs replace programmers, the only limit to stand-ups will be computation power. You could have 10 stand-ups and hour, 5 sprints a day. Jira tickets will flow at database speeds!

[jrockway]

This is the first time I've seen the words "Jira" and "speed" in the same sentence.

[gs17]

Why have a fixed number of stand-ups? AI will enable an infinite stand-up that never ends!

[thih9]

There are companies already using ai assisted recruiting (e.g. sentiment analysis during video calls), or internal communication (e.g. zoom can be configured to send summarized notes after a meeting[1]).

It’s a smooth slope towards more ai assistance.

Unless more people start thinking like you.

[1]: This is more creepy than it initially sounds. The notes are detailed but paraphrased in a formal way. Every on topic question or off topic remark is there, with attribution.

[analog31]

Just replace EMAI with MBA and you've got standard business training. It will work at least as well.

[TeMPOraL]

The difference is that MBAs can't possibly achieve even fraction of what's described here. It's humanly impossible - no one has good enough memory, brainpower and time to keep track of all the details such microomanagement would require to make this work. Humanly impossible, but entirely possible for an AI system.

[wink]

I know you're joking but maybe screaming into the void for 5 minutes every morning would be cathartic enough to lift my spirits for the day. No need to annoy the team mates.

[dinvlad]

Unless this is satire at its finest, I think it'd be safe to assume the people who wrote that have never worked as a proper Engineering Manager, or if they did they were a horrible one.

[faichai]

100%. You can pry my people skills from my cold dead hands.

[pg_1234]

> It'll be a cold day in hell before I work 5 minutes under those conditions.

It's still better than the current human managers, who aspire to this, but fail due to incompetence, laziness and petty biases.

[burkaman]

Has to be satire, I honestly cannot imagine someone writing that Conflict Resolution line with a straight face.