| HN Mirror

Hahaha! This is so funny, thank you for sharing your world view!

A position you advance is that there is value in reading the manual, and organized, discipline, self-reliant learning, that emphasizes structure progress toward mastery. Paired with that is the notion of taking pride in mastery of one's tools, equating the "technical arts" to a sort of "craftsmanship". These are undoubtedly a positive takes, and undeniably a useful learning strategy, and a commendable goal. Pursued with vigor, and if it's a fit for a given individual, such a strategy or approach, will likely to serve anyone well, in any endeavor, who practices it.

However, it's important to remember that there are many ways that you can accomplish your goals of learning and mastery, and that the exact methods and practices could be very different for different people. Just like the aphorisms "there's not one path to success" or "success is rarely a straight line", even the path of learning is well-known to follow an ascending series of peaks and troughs: the so-called, "Learning Curve". In short, while it's certainly good to read the manual, as you say, it's also not the only path to learning, and it's beneficial to appreciate that.

Yet that's not the only stance of interest in your comments in this thread. And it may be pertinent to discuss this "other aspect" of your comments, that while it may be somewhat "outside your wheelhouse" nevertheless will serve you equally well, if not substantially better, than your chosen learning method, in your endeavors and interactions in future. This other aspect makes regard to how you communicate.

So, if we take a look at your comments in this thread, it seems what you're saying is: there is one way of doing things regarding learning, it's the way you do things, and it's the right way, and any other way to do things, is lazy, clumsy, and likely the result of someone being disabled and not taking their medication? So, in essence, you're right, and if people question that or don't follow your way, they are failing and probably need medication?

In simple terms it looks as if you're being overly negative. In more detail, while it initially seemed you were simply temporarily grumpy, and trying to take it out on others, analysis and reflection of the totality of your work on this thread indicate you've developed your perspective over a long time. This perspective is basically the superiority of your way and your belief in your role as the rightful judge of others, who differ from you, and are inferior (failure, lazy, clumsy, disabled), is that right?

As you said above: good for your own confidence I guess, but bad for your employer/family/society, etc. It is not an approach which cultivates psychological safety for others. The strident and angry tone of your initial comment, combined with the expletive language you use is easy to interpret as rude, and abusive. The use of pejorative descriptions of those who differ from you is likely to be seen as superior, abusive, and bigoted.

While on the surface your view seems funny (I'm sorry to say, in a laughing at sense), it also feels kind of sad.

I still think some personal unhappiness must be driving your choice to go down this path, but that particular form it takes seems to be more a strong suit reaction you have developed over time in order to cope with such hardships.

You are clearly intelligent, and likely reasonably well to do, but the emphasis you place on your superiority could be read as a compensation tactic to make up for ways in which your achievements did not rise to your ambitions.

So I'm guessing you feel underappreciated in your work or life. This sense of being misunderstood, and underappreciation could then manifest in this way of acting where you are willing to risk people's dislike of you in order to act abusive and superior, because your experience has led you to believe, people won't appreciate you as you deserve anyway, even if you're nice.

So, in a sense, a nothing to lose attitude, which interestingly contrasts with the mask of superiority you wear. To put it another way, you trade social capital for the ego hit of superiority, because why value the opinions of others if you or your way is better than them, anyway? It's a neat, circular, self-contained and self-fulfilling delusion: a robust defensive tactic. One paradox arises in that, by pretending you are superior, you limit your ability to learn, undercutting the very justification for your pretense of superiority, in the first place, and your goals of mastery and being "right".

One way to think about it is that this kind of 'asshole nerd' trope is often unfortunately tolerated because of the nerd aspect: think of pre-reformation Linus, for example. But this kind of enabling nerd environment for your abuse is unhealthy, and may have contributed to denying yourself the treatment you could get to help you improve. It's an interesting contrast with the way you seek to paint others as needing treatment for a mental issue, as this could be read as a shield to conceal the fact of your suffering from one yourself, or as a way to deny to yourself that you're the problem, or disclaim responsibility for improving, or getting treatment.

Basically in your behavior we see a constellation of robust defensive tactics, likely crafted by an intelligent mind, to protect someone clearly deeply in pain. The defenses enable you to be productive, but at what cost? Especially to those around you. You in effect trade their psychological safety which you attempt to erode with your abuse, for your own, which you attempt to shore up with your pretense of superiority. It is, then, a very and essentially, selfish tactic. It's understandable, because you're in pain, but that we can understand it and empathize with you, doesn't mean your behavior is good, nor should be tolerated.

The defenses keep you injected with the addictive mainline of a superiority ego hit or reward endorphins resulting from that, but that only deepens the problem, and shields you from being in touch with and processing the pain, that could be your path to heal, if you're brave enough to face it.

But I totally understand if you don't, because...facing the pain can be incredibly scary. But if you don't, then, what's the alternative? Either you surrender your defenses as a result of social censure when you are not healed, leading you to suffer more...or you keep your defenses, but don't progress...leading you to continue incorrectly and unjustifiably trying to take out your emotions on others? This may cause suffering for those you encounter, and limits your experience of joy by pushing people away. You're smart, so you've likely already noticed this pattern in your own life. But, being smart is not enough, you have to know how to navigate it, and it's not obvious. Plus, you have to have the courage to face the things...and the adoption of defenses like yours indicates an avoidance, which is completely understandable, because who wants to face pain?

So, I don't think meanness is the right approach to deal with this kind of attitude, because clearly it results from suffering. Of course, sometimes boundaries must be set, counter-punches must be made. But, paradoxically, a general approach of meanness will only reinforce your delusion that you are under-appreciated and need to respond with hostility: meanness is only training for strengthening the defensive tactic your attitude clearly is.

Just like former 'jerk nerd' Linus eventually listened to feedback, and sought help, and now apparently is doing better, it's possible for people to change their behavior. If in your reflections you think this may apply to you and be useful for you, I encourage you to take the brave step of owning that and seeking help. But Linus is probably not the best example, there are many people who have become better people. And the pattern you display, is not unique to you. It is very common, and I believe it's very solvable. If you're willing to do the work. But...thing is man, there's no "manual" -- haha.

Also, enhance your calm, man! There's plenty of ways to do things: it can work for you, but doesn't mean it's the only way. And even you are "right" in your way, doesn't mean it's the only "right" way, and doesn't mean everyone else is "wrong". If you're not open to ways outside of yours as having value, you're unlikely to really learn to master what you seek to master. If you're already "right", and anything else is wrong, you're unlikely to learn and improve, undermining the very goal you say you have. Have a good one, man! And get help for this stuff, I believe you can do better! :)