[denton-scratch]

Well, honestly I don't know. If I had feelings of loving kindness, I'd know that; but that would be just feelings. I don't have a loving-kindness detector, and I wouldn't know how to calibrate it if I did.

I suppose one could work from hatred; people generally know if they hate something. So if one has reduced the incidence of hatred, then perhaps you could say the technique worked. I used the technique (along with others) over a period of a couple of decades, during which I "suspended belief" concerning rebirth. But over a couple of decades, it's quite possible that my personality changed for other reasons - such as other techniques, or watching my children grow up, or simply maturing.

[krzat]

There is really nothing magical about metta. It's all in consistent practice.

1. You visualize a cute bunny (for example).

2. You recognize that visualizing a cute bunny makes you a bit happier.

3. You realize that you can influence your mood by visualizing cute things.

4. You train it to make it stronger and more reliable.

[denton-scratch]

Sorry, but I don't think metta amounts to feeling "a bit happier" or "being in a good mood".

Metta is one of the four Brahma Viharas (foundations of Brahma). Another is karuna, or compassion; wishing others not to suffer. The standard practice in Tibet for generating compassion is called tong len ("sending and receiving", sorry, I don't know any Sanskrit word for it). You imagine someone else's suffering as a black cloud, breathe it in, and breathe out all your goodness and happiness as a white cloud, which you imagine going into them. It's a simple bolt-on for ordinary meditation on the breath. [Edit] If you have a real, suffering person to practise on, I was told that helps a lot.

Practising tong len is liable to cause depression in the practitioner, or so I was told. It's not tantric, you don't need permission to do it; but it's probably not a good idea to try it unless you have an experienced meditation instructor.

"Feeling good" is not a sign of progress in meditation.

[krzat]

I'm sure there are well established practices in Tibet but IMO there is nothing special about them, which is why there are multiple schools of Buddhism instead of just one.

I had a real suffering person to practice on (me) which is why I'm quite certain about what I wrote. If you have capability to improve your mood on demand, your entire approach to life changes. You can be selfless, take risk, work long hours, even if entire world collapses, you will always have metta to support you. This is how I understand equanimity at the moment.

[Glench]

If I may tease you lovingly for a moment, when you smile at your child do you go "I am unable to detect what is happening!" :P

[thenobsta]

Small animals also help. :)

I can't help but feel happiness and goodwill for a cute cat or bunny. Once I have that feeling, I can pay attention to it, keep it going, sit with it, or wish that feeling for myself or to others. If I lose it, I just bring up an endearing image or thought of the cat/bunny/my kiddo and pay attention to that feeling again.

[denton-scratch]

Both of my "children" are adults in their 30s; either of them could kill me with their bare hands if they chose to.

I don't think loving kindness manifests when I smile at someone; I think it manifests when I forgive them for some outrage that has left me seething. That is, I don't associate loving-kindness particularly with good feelings.

[Glench]

> Both of my "children" are adults in their 30s; either of them could kill me with their bare hands if they chose to.

My friend, if this is truly the state of your relationship with your children then I'm so sorry. I wish you a swift resolution to any and all ill-will.

> I don't think loving kindness manifests when I smile at someone; I think it manifests when I forgive them for some outrage that has left me seething. That is, I don't associate loving-kindness particularly with good feelings.

It sounds like loving-kindness practices don't work particularly well for you but forgiveness does so that's great. Still, I hope you get to feel a sense of warm-heartedness toward yourself and others. Even the Dalai Lama, one of the preeminent Buddhist figures in the world, says his true religion is kindness.

> Warm-heartedness is my favourite subject. As human beings our mothers gave birth to us and we survived because of her care and affection. Warm-heartedness is not only the key factor for human survival, it’s also the basis for being able to live as peaceful, happy human beings.

https://twitter.com/DalaiLama/status/1680874205854990336