[shiroiuma]

>A good server adds to the experience beyond the food and ambiance and help turn new customers into regulars.

What, by acting like their best friend? This is definitely something weird about America. Here outside America, it isn't like that at all. There's no tipping, and servers just give you what you ask, though of course they'll answer questions and such. But they don't socialize with you; I don't need to pay someone to act like my friend and chat with me. It's only in American restaurants that I've had this annoying experience.

[heimidal]

What is certainly true is that Americans are culturally more friendly toward strangers. Americans smiling and talking a lot is a cliche at this point. However, I would bet the "best friend" experiences that you have had would be nothing but simple pleasantries to a typical American. Tipping culture has little to do with it; "friendliness" is regarded as an element of excellent service here. Even in situations where no tip is ever expected, such as in a clothing store, workers are trained to be as friendly and overly helpful as possible.

For what it's worth, I have memories of extremely friendly waitstaff in Europe -- dare I say "American-esque". Just this summer, a French bartender in the Marais asked where we were from. When we answered "the US", she launched into a story about a trip she'd taken to New York. She talked about how much she loved seeing a Broadway show, Central Park, and MoMA. I watched her carry on with a British couple and many French patrons in the same way, returning to grab us another glass of wine and chat some more. The French people present seemed just as happy to chat with her as we were.

I have similar stories from London, Florence, Barcelona, and Tokyo (just off the top of my head). It's certainly not common, but I've seen it several times.

Americans often say most Europeans are stiff and uptight. Europeans often think the opposite of Americans. You seem to have a bit of a chip on your shoulder about it, but it's just a cultural difference that you're choosing to find distasteful.

[shiroiuma]

No, as an American expat, I find American tipping culture distasteful in the extreme, as well as Americans' countless justifications for it (and also their justifications for the horrible bathrooms). America is also the only place I've eaten where the server continually interrupts my conversation just to ask "how's that tasting for you?". Everywhere else, servers know not to interrupt people unless they have a good reason.

[Gibbon1]

Thing I love about tipping is I know the money is going to workers not the owner. Probably the difference between me and you is I like and respect service workers. So I like tipping them.

[shiroiuma]

Do you tip your cashier at the supermarket too? How about the guy who cooked your food in the kitchen in the back? What about the person who cleaned the toilets in the bathroom; do you track them down too and give them a tip?

In better-run countries, servers are actually paid a normal wage and we don't act haughty and make ourselves feel superior to others just because we can throw money at service workers like they're some kind of charity case.

[heimidal]

My experiences outside the US do not match yours, I guess.