[Aurornis]

It can be difficult, but it's also just a blip on the radar.

I don't know if this is your first or second, but I found that everything was significantly easier the second time around. I didn't realize how much my wife and I had learned to handle things more efficiently and split the load better over time.

You learn quickly.

> I now fully understand why some people don't want to get kids.

I don't know about that. I think the current trend is greatly overestimating the lifetime impact of some of these short-term difficulties of child raising. If someone actually wants kids but avoids it because they don't want their sleep inconvenienced for a couple percent of their entire life, I'd question if they're weighing the tradeoffs appropriately. It's a choice for the rest of your life, but some people treat it like those first several months are the entirety of the decision making process, which is weird.

[markus_zhang]

I also heard that the second is easier, but it is still some drain so we decided not to get a second one. I think it really depends on 1) How much energy one has stored before getting the kid, and 2) How easy/difficult the kid could be.

It's definitely not just a few months. It has been 3 years for me and I don't really think it's going to end soon. Again this is just personal, not an average experience.

[musha68k]

Difference between parental experience can be wild.

Sometimes up to literal survivorship bias talk from other parents; can be mildly annoying but ultimately I always feel happy for them and their kid(s) that they just don’t seem to (want to?) really know better. Again, good for them - and us all - lest we’d have gone extinct long time ago ;)

[Aurornis]

I’ve also had a few friends who manage to burn out in every situation. They’ve burned out in every job they’ve ever had, they burned out in college, they burned out in high school, etc.

So of course, they’re burning out with parenting now too.

At some point, we have to acknowledge that personality plays a big role in this. Some people create their own stress in any situation.

[markus_zhang]

I actually agree with you. I'm exactly the kind of people that are easy to burn out. Your description 100% matches me. This is such a perfect match that I'll write it down and paste it somewhere.

I really really hate being bored. I do not have the will power to grit through a lot of things that many other qualified people can grit through (so this is conditional probability, think P(dropping college | getting pretty good grade first year)). I didn't fail high school -- I actually ranked some top 25% in my first year but dropped to bottom 25% at some point and barely dragged myself to median at the end. I didn't finish my first college. I got completely burned out that I got a zero GPA for one term (I didn't drop any class, I just sit at the finals and handed in empty). I did drag myself through the second college and a master with B+. But it took me a couple more years to get it done. Occasionally I'd drop all courses just because I don't want to do it. I never completed any hobby project. I bite my nails and fingers frequently from childhood. I just don't have the ability to walk through any medium-long term plan, and it's getting worse.

Well, not something I can fix quickly, especially at my age, so I'll drag myself along. I can see my son having some of the same attributes that I have. It runs in the family. I'm going to get some therapy.

[musha68k]

Thanks for sharing your paternal wisdom with us again.