[badpun]

I'm a good counterexample to that story though. I've started coding when I was nine, have Masters in Computer Science, have worked in software for roughly 15 years (most of that coding). I've taught myself linear algebra, 3d computer vision/vSLAM from scratch, computer graphics (incl. more advanced concepts like PBR, Mesh Shaders etc.), statistics and machine learning, and probably other things I'm forgetting now.

However, in the end I chose not to do anything with that knowledge and that interest, and work relatively simple back-end jobs. Why? Because, no matter how hard I try, I can't put in more than 15-20 hours of hard focus per week. If I try to push myself harder, I just crash (sometimes even after two days - I get intense headaches on day three and my experiment is concluded). I've tried it probably dozens of times, and the results were always similar - if anything, it got worse with age (I had more energy in my twenties than now in my fourties).

[throwaway1183]

You are really literally like me because you did the things I did. I have also dabble with them. I have also experimented with it. Only thing is I never made anything valuable. I guess I only did it for sake of learning and being happy.

Conversation with Exuma has made me realize he only learns when he absolutely needs to, while I learn when I feel like learning.

Then I can't also put focus. Because of inefficiencies in other aspect of life. I can't optimize because I am just paranoid on most things. I would love to work for myself but I do not come from a background (because of work, energy and time) where I can sustain it. Maybe I should think of ways to do it and try to find ways.

However, do you think putting 2 hrs a week on a single project for extended time will take me to places?

[badpun]

> However, do you think putting 2 hrs a week on a single project for extended time will take me to places?

What places? Getting a job in the field? I think it could do it, unless the field is very hard to get into (e.g. 3d computer vision/vSLAM is considerably harder to get into than computer graphics, machine learning research is much harder to get into than applied machine learning (glorified data science) etc.). A good approach is to talk to some insiders in the field to get a feel of how hard would it be. If you don't know anyone, topical subreddits are not the worst place to ask this.

I went through exactly this path, even got some interviews, but learned that the jobs that would interest me the most are hardest to get into, and would mean a large pay decrease (I was making a ton in my current area of expertise). The nail in the coffin was chatting with some guy from Facebook AR (I met him on reddit) team who had my dream job and who said that, in my position, he'd prefer to just accumulate money and FIRE in 5 years, instead of starting a new career.

[Exuma]

To add small amount of context, I do also enjoy learning when its not a 'tool' but its a very narrow margin of the medium. For example, i've probably watched every single 3blue1brown video on youtube there is, yet I won't really use any of that. I watch them while I'm eating and any time they come out, as well as a few similar channels.

But this sort of learning is more about the purpose of stimulating my mind with challenges rather than acquiring knowledge.

80% of my time learning is when its a tool, 20% of the time its for stimulation, 100% of the time it is for some meaning other than it being satisfying to collect knowledge and facts, which is 0% of the time.

[Exuma]

so 3 hours of focus per day? That sounds like a medical problem to me, so if it really is that then it is understandable. But thats not the vast majority of people like you mentioned (although the vast majority does suffer from focus problems).

Have you tried fasting or other things to help try to narrow down the cause of your headaches? Have you had extensive blood panels (a full panel, not a simple one your doctor will give you... I think you have to order the FULL full ones online). A lot of my business partners and people I work with do that biohacking stuff where they try to find out every way to augment their body. They do weird stuff like fly to mexico to get stem cell injections, etc. Ive never been into that, I just take a multivitamin, but it's possible there is something you're deficient in that could be found out? I'd be almost certain there is SOME combination of SOME THING on this earth that would fix whatever it is, even if it's not well medically documented.

I know a number of people with severe neurotic issues, like TRUE neurotic issues, and fasting is really the only common denominator of what has helped them more than any medicine. People have thought fasting was fugazi woo-woo for the longest time but I believe medical science is now catching up as to the benefit (harvard studies, etc). Ive fruit fasted for 45 days once and healed my gall bladder after the doctor couldnt explain what was wrong with it and their only option was to cut it out.

[badpun]

My mother is similar. We both don't have that much energy and seem to tire quicker than most people. I've tried some things over the years, done paid blood panel (not the most fancy one you could get), fixed my sleep, excercised etc. I think it probably comes down to below average genes.

The headaches themselves are from coffee (ab)use. But, without the coffee, I would succumb to fatigue earlier.

Right now, it doesn't matter that much. Luckily, through some smart choices (always aggresively going for the highest paying work I could get) and through frugal living, I've FIREd and now live a life of leisure, which seems to fit my disposition quite nicely. Not everyone was made to be a star.